Toxic Relationship
If I had one moment, just one moment, to say something to you.
I wouldn't know what to do, what to say, what to feel.
If I had to see your face again, a face that used to bring me so much joy, it now only brings a stinging sense of hatred to mind.
If I had to see your face, I would break down.
I would choke on all of these emotions that are being held captive in my shattered heart.
I can thank you for that one, Kevin.
I don't know what it was about you that made you so irresistible in my eyes.
Looking back, I want to smack myself in the face for being so irrational.
But even that still hurts, looking back upon something that turned out to be so awful.
It inflames all of these scars, still raw on my heart, shredded apart from the theoretical knife that you took to it.
You always said that strength came from being okay with the emotions that you feel.
I always questioned that though.
There was this sick, uneasy feeling in my stomach every time we talked about feelings, because feelings derived from you and me were never normal.
Don't you see that?
Two very unhappy people cannot be forced together, one struggling to live life and the other content to wallow in his own pain and force it on others.
You doomed things from the start.
It wasn't as easy as it was to make two negatives a positive when put together.
But that's exactly what you wanted, wasn't it?
You weaved your toxic self into my mind, my heart, my soul, knowing that way I would never make you leave.
So, like any other “normal” relationship, you started the sweet talking.
“I love you” 's with no meaning.
You wanted to break me down, make me feel the pain that is slowly eating your soul.
Well, it worked, but it won't anymore.
Now you have no hold over me, no way to ever effect me again.
Because I realized that no matter how lonely I may get, I will never need a man to tell me what to do, how to feel.
I am my own person, a strong woman whom you will never touch with your hatred for life again.
In a way, I feel sorry for you.
Because your black, cold, emotionless heart was by far your ugliest feature.
You're cold, manipulative, and just overall a lowlife who will never even be half of the man you think you are.
You're never going to have a hold on me again.
You never had that right in the first place.
I hope you have a good life, because I sure as hell know I am now that you're gone.
I will learn to smile again.
I will love myself again.
I will learn to love someone else once more.
I have never been better, and it's all because of my life without you.
