Lost

chapter 18

Chapter 18

I sat there, lying on our bed awake until about midnight, when I became completely restless. and hungry. so I got up, still wearing his clothes, and went to the kitchen to get an apple. my eyes still dark and wet, my skin still pale, I grabbed Keaton's penny board, and took off down the street, skating down the middle of the road, in the middle of the night. just a shadow of what he used to be. I went what felt like 100 miles per hour past my parent's house, them with their lights on and music blaring from inside.

I went probably about 10 miles down without stopping, then stopping to sit on a bench near a 7-11. birds flew above my head, looking like they were dogs weaving through the stars. The smell of Keaton lingered on me, and that's all I really had left of him.

My phone buzzed, and I answered a text from Laura saying, "u ok Jenny?" I typed back, "no, but I'm not dying. well maybe so but u know what I mean. just went skating, dont know when I'll be back k?" she replied with a, "k" and I put my phone back in my pocket, then going towards the 7-11. not that I had any money though. oh wait! I remembered that Keats had 10 dollars left in his jacket from when we had bought ice cream a while back. I unzipped a pocket, and pulled out about 4 bucks, then I walked into the gas station. I got a coffee, filled it with probably 10 packets of sugar, and put in what seemed like the whole container of mini marshmallows. then I grabbed a pack of sour Skittles to remind me of the first candy we shared. And no, I didn't care if I left the empty packets on the counter, or people stared at me as I made the coffee, left the stirrer, and then grabbed Skittles.

I bought my sugar fest, then started my way down the street, going back the way I came. but slower this time, coffee stains leather, and I didn't want a big brown blob on his jacket, knowing he'd be ticked off if he saw it. who wouldn't though? All was normal until I got to my parents house. I got of the board to put my cup in a trash can, with my skittles in my pocket, when I noticed them coming out of their house. but the thing is, is that I was in front the house right next to them. I went to take off running with board in hand, but my foot got caught on a piece of wire that was hanging out of the can, and I fell to the ground, skidding the side of my face on the concrete sidewalk.

They turned, and saw me, lying there, scrambling to get up. "what are you doing here?!" my dad yelled. well they didn't know it was me yet. good. I stood up and faced them, trying to hide that it was me as much as possible. "well?!" he demanded again. "oh, I was-was just um, throwing away my coffee and then I tripped on a piece of wire just walking away-" he interrupted me and yelled, "likely story... Jennifer." I gasped and couldn't run fast enough before he grabbed my arms and held them behind my back. "We told you never to come back here!" He screamed in my ear, pulling me into the house. "but I- wasn't coming to the house I was going to 7-11!" he threw me against the wall with my mom standing behind him encouragingly. "Are you pregnant?!!!"

"Yes!!!! yes I am, Dad!!!!" I choked. "that's what happens when you go and live with boys!!!" my mom yelled and smacked her hand across my face, the side that got scraped on the ground. I screeched and held my face in my hands. "where's the boy that's this baby's father!!?" she screamed. I started to cry and choke as I was against the wall. "He's dead!!!! he cut himself he's dead, Mom!!!!" I screamed. "I don't care, he didn't matter anyway did he!!" she added. "no!! he mattered! I love him Mom! I love him!!! he cut himself because he worried about me so much, and he thought it was his fault!!! I tried to stop him but he's gone!!!" it was like they didn't have neighbors, even through all this screaming no one called anybody. "shut up, Jennifer! just shut it! I don't give a crap how much he means to you!!" they opened the door and threw me out, I fell flat on my face again, but took off running, bent down near that trash can and grabbed Keaton's penny board.

I tossed it down in front of me, and went even faster than I did on my way down here, crying. check your pockets, I thought to myself. oh my God, both phones where there, I left with the hat, jacket, and skittles too. Pocketknife! I screamed to myself in my head. I unzipped that pocket, and oh, it was there. everything was here, I was good. but never safe.

I ran into the house fast, then turning around, slamming the door shut. "what!?" Laura asked. "my. parents. Got. me." I got out through deep, fast breaths. "they found me on the sidewalk lying there because I tried to take off running and I scraped my face and now they know I'm pregnant and they asked where the father was and I said he was dead and they said that he didn't matter anyways and then my mom smacked the side of my face that I scratched and it hurts!!!" I summarized in what was like 5 seconds probably without breathing. "oh Jenny! let me go help your face and let you calm down and talk to me ok!" Laura said to me and helped me up to the bathroom.

I sat down on the closed toilet lid, and she got out the first aid kit. Laura put something on my face that made it feel cool, like an ice pack was on it, and much better. "so, you should talk to Drew, he's perfect for talking to about this ok? here, I'll take you to him, he's in his room." she helped me to his room. he opened his arms for me and I came in, sitting on his lap. Laura left and he kissed my cheek. "Jenny,"

"Yes,"

"You're beautiful,"

"Thank you,"

"You need to calm down though sweetheart." he said and I nodded. "I really try though..."

"I know you do, but I'm going to help you because look at me, I'm fine now you know after what happened in my life." I looked up at him. "when Jaiden died, I didn't know what to do with myself. I loved her alot, and I felt like just giving up but you know what, I didn't. I know Keaton loved you so much, and you love him also. he's an awesome kid, and was too awkward for any other girl except you, being almost the same way. see, here, look at this picture on his phone,"

Drew got his phone from me and showed me this picture I'd never seen before but when I saw it I definitely remembered the moment. Keaton was holding me upside down as he stood in the shallow water at the beach. we were smiling even brighter than the sun, laughing. without being able to stop myself, my memory replayed that moment from a while back, and I broke down crying, falling into Drew. "shh...it's ok, it's ok, Jenny," he whispered in my ear. "it's never going to be ok!" I choked back and continued to cry. he gave up with talking and then said, "here, Jennifer, look into my eyes." he wiped the tears from mine away with his thumbs and put his hands on the side of my face. I looked into his pretty blue green eyes, and be started singing Sometimes by City and Color to me. "if I was a simple man, would we still walk hand in hand? if I suddenly went blind, would you still look in my eyes?" I almost fell asleep just listening to him, I immediately calmed down, and leaned into him for a hug.

I then walked back into me and Keaton's room, and went to lay down when I saw something as I took off the jacket. it was a little, velvet black case with a note attached to it. I went and picked up the note. its read:

To my life Jen,

I love you, if you ever find this...

its ok babe, don't get too stressed out. If you're wondering, I wrote this before I, you know. so good luck baby, I miss you, and I love you endlessly ok? mwah :*

p.s. this is for you sweetie.

Kissies,

Keats

I almost choked on my own saliva. he wrote this before his suicide attempt, knowing he would die? I had so many questions. I picked up the little case and opened it. inside was a golden engagement ring with and infinity sign in the top, lined with tiny diamonds that sparkled, even in this dark room. On the inside of the ring, I read, I love you always babe- Keaton. I started to tear up from pure joy as I took it out and slid it on my ring finger, holding in screams. Then it hit me, like a 16 wheeler.

He had just asked me to marry him.