Closure

Darkness

"My heart aches, I can't breathe

I can't touch you, who has gotten colder

No matter how much I try to reach you

You get farther away again

I'm spending my days in tears

Just blankly looking at you from behind

Everyday Everyday..."

- "Get away from me."

- "What the hell are you even saying? Why are you being like this today?"

- "Don't you understand that I can't even tolerate your face. I have a wife, a son, a career and a future. I thought this was going to be okay. But no you had to fucking ruin it. Today is the last time I will ever see you. Fuck you faggot."

Jimin watched him leave, not even looking back once. He did not have the will or the strength to stop him. Jimin felt himself slowly sliding down to the floor. What had he said? Faggot. That word. Jimin hated it with all his will. Jimin's vision blurred, his eyes slowly filled with tears. Jimin had tried everything he could think of him to make him understand Jimin's love. Jimin had forgotten himself, his dreams, his life, just so that he would be pleased. But he was never pleased. He had taken everything away from Jimin. He had sucked out his soul, consumed his body, destroyed his career, every fucking thing that Jimin was once proud of. And today he called Jimin a faggot. Wasn't he the one who had turned Jimin to be that 'vile creature' whom he hated. Wasn't he the one who had approached Jimin, the fucking faggot.

Jimin's eyes swept over a picture of his family. He smiled at the picture taken on his sixteenth birthday. Nine years had passed since then but his family was the same. His mom and dad were his favourite OTP ever. They had gone through thick and thin together only to increase their love for each other. They loved him no matter what, even knowing that he was gay. They had accepted him for who he was. They had also supported his decision to pursue his dream and tried their best to provide Jimin with the best facilities and opportunities.

Everything was alright until he decided to come to Busan to study for his doctorate program and then everything changed. Jimin's dad had already suspected that there was something wrong with Jimin. Jimin hardly called home or came back to Seoul for the holidays. His mom pleaded him to come home for Christmas but Jimin had to avoid the topic. He gave them excuses of being busy with his studies but only he knew that he lied to them. How could he go back home? How could he do that? All his free time was spent with him giving him everything that he demanded. For the first time ever Jimin felt so bad for his choice, for who he had become.

Jimin did the only thing he could think of, he called his dad. As always his dad picked up on the second ring.

- "Son?"

- "Dad?"

- "Jimin, why does your voice sound like that? Are you sick? Do you want us to come over?"

Jimin smiled remembering that his mother always liked to fuss over him. She would spend countless sleepless nights even if Jimin caught a mild fever. How he craved a single caress from her now, but she was miles away from him in Seoul. His life slowly flashed before his eyes. What had he done to himself? He had let his parents down. He had let himself down. He had to end this humiliation somehow.

- "Dad, I just missed mom and you."

- "Well son we have been asking you to come over forever. Your old man craves to go fishing with you again, son."

Jimin giggled quietly thinking back to how he was the only one in his class to enjoy fishing. His dad had told him that it was grandpa's favourite thing to do as a father-son bonding thing was fishing and so he would love to do the same as well. Jimin had learned fast and always enjoyed the father-son bonding time.

- "Dad, can you forgive me?"

- "Jimin, what have you ever done wrong? We are so proud of you son. You are the first person in our family to pursue a doctorate degree. You are so handsome, so brave and such a good human being. How could we be angry on you for anything?"

Jimin's lips trembled. He had never thought that he would end up regretting his choices so much. But he was empty, he had nothing left.

- "Gotta go dad. Say bye to mom for me."

Hot tears flowed down Jimin's cheeks. He slowly felt his voice begin to whimper. He knew if he did not end the call soon dad would realize something was wrong.

- "Okay son. Come soon."

- "Bye dad."

- "Bye son."

Jimin threw the phone across the room. He hated himself. He hated his existence. He was a coward. Slowly he pulled out the blade from the drawer adjacent to his bed and brought it close to the throbbing vein of his left hand. Lately Jimin had begun to cut himself. The flowing blood and the pain gave him a sick pleasure which he had no words to describe. It relieved him of his stresses. But today he was going to cut deep, very deep, not to feel pleasure or pain but just to stop feeling as a whole. Jimin looked at his reflection in the mirror. He hated the coward standing in front of him.

"Let this be over."

Jimin felt the blood gushing out of the vein as soon as the blade touched his skin. Slowly he felt himself losing consciousness. Images from a distant past life flashed before him. Jimin's first day at elementary school when he had cried his eyes out, his first win in a spelling competition, his high school graduation as the valedictorian of the class, his first day at college, the day his professor had hugged Jimin and said that he had a bright future ahead, the day he got accepted to Busan University, his mom's cold noodles, his very first date and kiss, the day he had met him and finally darkness.

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Alice : Can you give me some love? That would surely make my day!

Playlist - Everyday by Kim Bo Hyung from The K2 OST