xxvi.

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it's christmas eve

time for warmth, love and family

i miss my mom and i wish i could afford to go see her

but i can't and it hurts me knowing that she's been ill 

but my aunt has told me she's seemingly getting better

the best i can do is text and see how she's doing

pathetic i know.

i reach for my phone resting on the nightstand

but it begins buzzing

i reach for it quickly and see who's calling

my aunt

"youngjae, i know you won't speak but your mother is in her last moments. i couldn't bring myself to tell you that she was getting worse, i'm sorry."

she speaks shakliy, voice croaky from crying

i hear shuffling and ragged breathing

i know they say it's impossible but i can recognise it

my mom's

"honey, i'm sorry we couldn't spend this christmas with eachother but always know that i love you no matter what."

loud, strained coughs are heard after

the tears already spilling from my tired eyes

my mouth opens wanting to shout a million words of love and affection to my mother in her last moments

but i just can't

i haven't used my voice in so long

i've forgotten to speak

frustrated i begin pulling my hair

i bring the phone closer to my face in one more attempt at saying something

anything

"i'm sorry but we must go now, the paramedics are here."

my aunt speaks frantically

before i know it the call has already ended

"i-i l-love yo-u eomma."

i whisper shakily holding my breath in attempt to make it easier

i have gained yet another loss

my mother never forgotten on this cold winter's night

my tears soaking into the pillow

my breath coming out in rigid puffs

i'm sorry 엄마.

-

a/n i haven't written a chpater in so long.. im running out of pre written ones.. i need to get back into the groove

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