Chemistry (Leafycynical)

)1)

The more you know who you are and what you want, the less you let things upset you.

It was cold in Utah.

Sure, it was a bit chilly in Seattle as well, but there was something different about Utah. Maybe it was the familiar bite of the occasional breeze. Maybe it was the way the smoke from his cigarette danced in the air and mixed with the wind that burned his cheeks. Maybe it was none of the above.

Something in Utah called to him. He wasn't sure what it was - desperation, curiousity, or plain stupidity - that resulted in him coming back after just being here a week or two ago for the holidays, but nonetheless he'd booked a flight the next morning. In all honesty, he hated Utah. There were too many memories there for him to feel comfortable. Even the good memories gave him goosebumps for some unknown reason. He guesses it's because it's all so surreal. He'd left his mark in Salt Lake City and didn't want to tarnish it like he had with everything else.

At the moment, he had no idea where he was. He was smoking a cigarette in the middle of a park, hungover from the night before and swinging on a children's swing. His coat - something of a shorter version of a trenchcoat - was only held close by a single button, his headache messing with him too much to want to put effort into anything he was doing. The last two days had been hard and not just for him. After declaring his leave from YouTube, there were two sides. You either supported him and wished him well or you were glad he left and hope he's gone for good.

He bit his lip thinking about it. It was frustrating that nothing he did made people happy or change their view of him. He'd came to a single conclusion: What you are made out to be is who you will always be. It didn't matter how many times you apologized or practically begged for forgiveness, people would never perceive you differently. After Nick made his video, people stopped talking to him and instead started talking about him. Niall had done the exact same thing after the video and had easily jumped onto the 'Let's fucking kill Leafy bandwagon' after Nick left everyone thinking he hated Ni- Pyrocynical. Let's face it, they weren't even on a first name basis anymore. Calvin hated it.

He hated that everything had gone to shit so quickly. So much so that it hurt just thinking about it, although that might just be his hangover.

Through his blurry vision, everything looked white. Pure white. He could vaguely see his breath as it left his lips and the sluggish movement of his hand as he waved it in front of himself, a bit of ash from his cigarette falling to the ground. He sagged on the swing, his legs lazily crumpling as he was too exhausted to keep them in a sitting position. What was the point anymore? What was the point of even trying? He'd never reverse all of this, even if his content improved.

Somehow, it felt like he was dying along with his channel.

-

Niall sighed as he leaned back in his office chair, watching as autoplay prepared to send him to the next video that would eventually be "CRAZIEST WOMAN EVER EATS SAND". He folded his hands over his lap, studying the floor as thoughts of the video he just watched settled into his mind. The video itself left a bad taste in his mouth, just seeing Cal-Leafy look so.. real, for once in his videos. As real as he's been in a while, even with those stupid fucking glasses on.

Leafy had fucked up a lot, but Niall couldn't help but feel bad for the kid. Even despite him apparently pretending to be his friend while hating him behind his back, he couldn't stop the guilt he felt. After all, he had mocked Leafy in multiple videos.

Somehow he found himself worrying over the other man. He shouldn't be worried, Ca-Leafy had made his bed and was right to be lying in it. It's not like Niall could help him anyway. Even if he was to speak out about it, it wouldn't change the image of Leafy that was burned into everyone's mind. Leafy was just a selfish cunt who uses others for his own gain. They wouldn't overlook it just because he said a few nice things.

To be honest, Niall missed talking to Leafy. Their conversations were always interesting as they threw in new and stale memes and at times were so suggestive that one would probably call it flirting. There was a time when Niall would've agreed, but that no longer applied. Leafy didn't like him, so he did what he could and decided he didn't like Leafy either.

If that was true then why couldn't he stop worrying? Why should he care if a YouTuber takes a break while his channel dies? By the time he comes back, everyone will have forgotten him anyway.

Niall stood from his chair, running a hand through his hair as if trying to toss away the worry. His attempt ended up unsuccessful, the uneasy feeling never fading. It was early in the morning, 3 am to be exact, as he found himself walking down the hall to the kitchen for something to keep himself awake a little longer after coming to the conclusion that after seeing that video, sleep wouldn't come easily. He was careful not to wake his parents as he poured himself a cup of orange juice. He furrowed his brows as he stared down into the cup, a slight frown on his face. Niall could remember scrolling through twitter and coming across some fangirls making fun of Leafy for liking pulp orange juice or something. He let out a breath before going back to his room, leaving the mug of juice abandoned on the counter.

He leaned over his keyboard, not bothering to even sit down before opening up skype, clicking on Lea-Calvin's contact and sending a single, rushed message:

Call me

[A/N: Oh look! A story I enjoy writing! 

This entire story goes along with the song Chemistry by Lund so go check that out, it's an amazing fucking song (imo). https://youtu.be/0RPm5un7Jeo ]