American Candy//PHAN

[2. (Un)Lost]

Dan

-

"G'Morning!" Tyler smiled as he just walked into my house. This was a normal occurrence. I waved to him as I sat down as he went over to the counter and popped some toast in. 

When it'd finished and he'd buttered it, he sat down next to me. "Carol and Jason at work?" He asked. He calls my parents by their first names.

"They always are," I hummed in response. More moments passed in silence. 

"You're not gonna eat?" He asked. 

"Im not hungry," I replied honestly. 

-

Tyler and I waited at the bus stop. When it rolled around, we stepped on. I began looking through the rows for an empty seat. Tyler spotted one and we sat in it. But my eyes caught a glimpse of black hair with a trance of blue. I looked behind us and scanned the groups of people. None of them had hair like that. At least as far I could tell. "Whatcha lookin' for?" Tyler asked. 

"Im not looking for anything in particular," I lied easily.

"C'mon," He begged, seeing through the lie. 

"I dont wanna say," I muttered realizing how weird it'd sound. 

"Im for more desperate than you think." 

-

It was second period and I was beginning to regret not eating. I had zoned out from the teacher and had gone into the Deep Trench Of Deep Thoughts. The lowest point of the trench is the Existential Crisis. But Im not there quite yet. 

I wonder what it's like to be the universe, experiencing itself ironically. I suddenly felt trapped. Am I the universe? Watching myself age and go by without really caring? I need some space to run around. But I guess I'll always have the underground. 

No. I wont let myself be the universe. I'll build my road despite the cost. I feel lost. I mentally laughed at myself; it rhymed. But I'm not looking to be found. No, no not at all. 

-

It was lunch and I was still in my head. Not really paying attention to anything around me. "Are you okay, Dan?" Tyler asked. I shrugged. 

"Here. Meet me in Room 446 during 6th period. I have to go right now but I feel like you have something on your mind," he said kindly. 

"Okay," I nodded. He got up and left. Leaving me alone at the small lunch table. I bit into my mediocre chicken sandwich. 

-

I sighed. It was free period. Aka 6th period. Except I have no idea where Room 446 is. I'm unaware of where Im going. Or if I'm going anywhere at all. 

After much searching, mind you, i found a room on the 4th floor with illegible numbers. The door looked old. And I could hear voices coming from inside. I wasn't sure if this was the room. But I know I'll take the leap. 

I opened the door and stepped in. Only to stumble over something and fall onto my face. Then the door shut and i heard the click of the lock. 

If it is worth the fall was a question that remained unanswered because the prank was a blessing and a curse. I appeared to be in an old music room. There wasnt much in the room besides an old dusty piano and small bunch. 

-

PAUSE! THIS IS THE ROOM!!!

-

There was still some old music on the piano. I looked at the door again to see, in a more legible form, the numbers 436. So it was room 436. Not 446. I sighed in defeat. 

I looked at the piano and almost felt obligated to play it. So long as the blood keeps flowing I'll probably want to play every piano i see. I went over and sat on the stool. Noticing it was weirdly stable. 

I closed my eyes, setting my fingers on the keys. I imagined I was at sea. Escaping this small town. Maybe with Tyler. I'll set a sail and swim across. My fingers began to dance across the keys. It sounded good, despite being horrible out of tune. 

Suddenly my phone vibrated. I opened it to see Tyler was calling. I accepted it. 

"Where are you?" He asked. 

"Well I got lost. And was pranked. So right now Im stuck in a room," I replied, deciding I'm not looking to be found. 

"Do you know which room?" He asked, sounding slightly panicked. 

"No. I dont want you to find me though," I hummed, lying through my teeth. 

"What?! Why?" He asked skeptically. 

"Just wanna feel unlost," I said nonchalantly. 

"Ooooh.. Is this part of your big Deep Trench questions?" He asked. 

"Now it is," I giggled. 

"Fine, but I still wanna figure what room youre in," He sighed, hanging up. 

I set my phone on the ground. With my eyes closed this feels like home. Well almost. But not the home where my bed is. Or my parents. Home like, this is where Im meant to be. 

Adrift in my own head. And all I really know is whatever this is doesn't get easier. This being life. So take it slow. Take things in gentle waves. Life's too short to rush through everything. Just take it slow. 

Between the silence and the sound I could hear the footsteps of people outside. The bell probably rang and I just didn't hear. 

This is kinda like the underground. Quiet. Reserved. Not many know. Its great. I'll never lose the underground to people who dont deserve it. 

I dont want to be the universe. I'll build my road despite the cost. 

And here in that little room with the out-of-tune piano, Im not looking to be found. No, no not at all. 

-

Tyler and I were walking to the park. I had Spotify playing in my headphones. The World Is Ours came on but for a flash because I skipped it. A couple more songs came on that i didnt wanna hear so I took off the headphones and closed the app.

"Promise me you'll be you forever," Tyler said randomly. "And you are not allowed to be anybody else."

"I will," I smiled at him. 

"And try not to have so many panic attacks," He continued. "Control what you can. Confront what you cant. And always remember how lucky you are to have yourself."

"Where'd that come from?" I inquired. 

"I just figured it'd help with the Deep Trench. You always did like helpful advice," Tyler shrugged, grinning.

-

coolio