Running Away Into You (John Frusciante Fanfic)

Chapter 33

His mouth collides with yours in a beautiful and perfect way; until now you hadn't realized how much you missed the feeling of his lips on yours. You reach to entangle your hands in his hair like you used to but then you realize it's a buzz-cut now. He puts one hand on the small of your back and one on the base of your neck, a new technique that he never used before.

Suddenly your brain starts to realize what your heart and your mouth are doing and goes into panic mode. You immediately pull away from John and whisper, "John I can't do this." You scoot down so there is at least six inches of space between the two of you on the couch.

"But Sam, come on you can't deny. . ." He says breathlessly.

"No John. This would be doing to Milla the exact thing you did to me, no matter how I feel about her I don't want to be the reason anyone feels that way, I know how absolutely terrible it is. I cannot be the reason someone goes through that, how would I live with that?" You say getting up.

"But Sami..." He says his voice trailing off as yours rises.

"Not to mention my very serious boyfriend who I'm not about to cheat on with you, how would that be explained anyway? 'Oh yeah well I'm leaving you for my ex-boyfriend who cheated on me, even though you didn't do anything wrong and have never been anything less than perfect to me. But this guy said he missed me and he kissed me even though you and I were still together. So I'm just going to move out of the apartment we've been sharing to live with him probably. By the way, see you at work tomorrow. It won't be awkward at all' I sound like a bitch, and a not very logical bitch at that." You say.

"Oh don't bring up that stupid little preppie freak. He's so typical, waiting until he can marry you, impregnate you, and move you out to the suburbs" Says John and you shake your head angrily.

"Well first of all, both he and I already live in the suburbs, second you obviously have no grasp of his personality at all because he would never do anything like that. Third, even if he was kind of typical—which I'm not saying he is—at least it better than being infuriated every five seconds like it was with you. With you it was up and down, left and right and I never knew which direction I was supposed to go to make you happy. With Dan I feel safe and secure. Our relationship is comfortable and happy, something you and I could never master how to do."

"Well I don't know about you but I would choose intensity over safety. I need the nervous excitement in the pit of my stomach that you always gave me Sami; I need the tingling of nerves and the flush of cheeks. I need us, the way we were. I need me to have not fucked things up by doing whatever I did with Milla, for things to be back to normal between us. I don't feel alive with Milla, I never have. The only reason I haven't dumped her is because I feel like I gave so much up for her that I will look bad if I get rid of her now. But if you and I got back together everything will be right again, I know it will. Just say the word Sam" He says and you see the longing in his eyes.

"But we can't John, don't you fucking see, it isn't in the cards for us, you fell out of love with me. We needed that to happen though John, we aren't meant to be together. We're too different, it was unavoidable that we would drift apart, we just didn't see it at the time." You say and he looks completely heartbroken.

"Don't say that Sami. How can you say that? Apparently I was the only person in the relationship who thought we were good together" He says and you roll your eyes.

"Are you actually saying that John?" You ask and you can hear the annoyance in your tone.

"Well I'm sorry but that's basically all I am getting from this. I mean you said that it we weren't meant to be, I didn't say that" He says shrugging.

"Yes, but John you also said that you didn't love me. You also cheated on me," You reason and he looks uncomfortable, "So don't tell me that you were 'the only person who thought we were good together' I thought we were good too. But after we broke up realized that we weren't perfect together, we were excellent, but not perfect. That epiphany has helped me accept this break up"

"Look its very nice that you found Jesus or whatever you're rambling about—" He says and you interrupt him.

"Whoa hold up, how did you get that I 'found Jesus' from what I just said?" You ask extremely confused.

"I heard epiphany so I just assumed" He says and you stare at him in awed silence for a few seconds before you start laughing. You fucking crack up, laughing so hard you have to sit back down on the couch.

"What's so funny?" Asks John sitting down next to you on the couch but you just shake your head and laugh even harder.

You finally manage to sputter, "You didn't even try to listen to me. You actually thought I was talking about finding Jesus" You say in between laughs and he still looks at you like you are crazy, "I'm sorry I think all this stupid drama is driving me insane" You say taking a deep breath.

"Is driving you? Sam, you've already been driven insane from what I can tell" He says and you start to laugh but control yourself enough to say,

"Well what I'm trying to say is let's stop the drama. Let's just be friends and hang out for a little while, no drama or kissing or yelling, just hanging. I don't have to go to work for another half hour; your speech isn't for another hour. Let's just talk." You say and that's exactly what you do. He tells you all about what he's done in the past year, you tell him what you've done it last year.

You laugh a lot; more than you ever thought you would with John again. It was amazing to feel the connection you had with him, but in a different way. It's in a friendship way, not a sexual way.

"I think I should get to know this Daniel guy better" He says after you a tell a particularly funny story about the barn you guys nearly burned down when you went to see Daniel's family in Texas.

"I think you should too. Maybe I can get to know Milla better, you know, since you're making an effort I can make one too" You say and he laughs.

"You're way too nice Sam, it's going to hurt you one day" He says.

You reply, smiling through sad eyes, "It already did" There's a moment of painful silence and then you change the subject, "Maybe we should have dinner some night, all four of us?" You say and he nods vigorously.

"That would be great, does this Saturday work for you?" He asks.

"This Saturday works great" You say with a grin.

"Great, well then it's a date" He says.

"It's a date" You reply with a smile.