It's a Struggle Being Infatuated With Someone You Have an Urge To Murder.

I Just Wished You Would Have Stayed a Little Longer.

Cleaning up my lab isn't an ideal way to start off the weekend, at least not for many people but I find it... tranquilizing.

When I had finished cleaning up my tools and scraping off the dried blood which had stained my operating table I pulled off my dirty gloves and checked my phone.

As soon as I saw Dan's name I unlocked my phone, my eyes scanning over the text he had sent me minutes ago.

He actually wants to hang out.

Nothing ever made me feel this exhilarated, well besides cutting people open but this is different. Not even my old friend made me feel this way, I just hope he doesn't find out about my secret. I can't really help feeling this way, I can't help the way I was born and nobody understands that. Everybody tells me I should get help but have they ever thought that I might not want help?

As crazy as it sounds, I like who I am.

~ ~ ~

Walking up to Dan's doorstep I ring the doorbell, seeing that nobody had opened the door yet I ring it twice more... then I hear Dan shout that, "he's coming" from the other side of the door which may or may not have made me smile from ear to ear.

"Sorry, I fell asleep on the couch." He chuckled as the door was kept ajar, to which he slowly opened it, clearly seeming out of it.

"You okay? You seem a bit out of it." I said voicing my thoughts as I entered his house, which seemed very modern.

"Um yeah me and my girlfriend had an argument and lets say she wasn't really the nicest person." He lowly chuckled.

"Girlfriend?" I questioned, genuinely curious and somewhat sad, the fact that there's a slight chance he might be straight kills me inside.

"Yeah I'm going out with Maria, she's in our math class... ever heard of her?" He answered quietly sniffling, slowly proceeding to dramatically fall onto his bed he grabs his pillow and starts sobbing into it.

I'm not really good in these situations so I thought it would be a great idea if I'd just sit next to him and pat his tummy.

His tummy.

But I mean it kinda cheered him up cause he immediately started giggling into his pillow trying to mumble out that he's ticklish.

Subconsciously I straddled his hips and tickled him harder, but once he threw his pillow to the side to catch his breathe the room went quiet. Which honestly scared me to death, but to my surprise he rolled me over and attempted to tickle me but to his disappointment I didn't giggle or laugh I just chuckled. Pushing him off of me I tell him that I'm not ticklish, to which in reply I got a pout which made me melt inside.

"Wanna pour your heart out? I've always seemed to want that whenever I felt down." I asked propping  my legs up against my chest as I rested my back against the wall. Dan doing the same he replied, "I guess it's my fault, I always wanted to date someone mysterious and cool... try to figure them out you know?" He sniggered.

"How pathetic right? But I mean that's how she is I guess... Don't tell anyone but she's a drug dealer, she usually goes out to these underground places where you'd fight and win money and she practically sells drugs there and me being an idiot I thought it was cool and I settled for her, a drug dealer..." He scoffed digging his hands into his hair, evidently stressed about the situation he was in.

"Have you ever done any...drugs?" I questioned lightly, not sure if he'd be taken aback by my question.

"No, but I do drink sometimes cause that stuff makes me feel great." He giggled, sighing just seconds later. 

"Well do you have alcohol in the house?" I asked as a mischievous expression took over my face.

"Yep, come on." He shrieked grabbing me by the arm and dragging me downstairs.

"Your parents aren't home right?" I asked awkwardly rubbing the back of my neck.

Shaking his head side to side he hands me a glass of alcohol. Glass after glass we ended up on his living room sofa listening to 'The1975' and laughing at literally nothing.

"Wanna dance?" Dan asked getting up from the sofa. Not giving me time to answer he pulls me up and starts dragging me around, not really knowing what to do I stay somewhat stiff in his brace.

Obviously he noticed so what he had done was, he grabbed me by the shoulders and told me to put my hands on his hips. As I did, a bit of his shirt had gone up and the way his soft skin felt against my fingers... it felt electrifying and not in the good way, well not for him at least.

I began to imagine him on my operating table and my scalpel digging into his soft, pale skin. Shaking the thought out of my head I release his hips out of my grasp and storm out his house.

So much for liking who I am, I can't believe some guy could make me switch thoughts so easily. Actually it's not who I am that I hate, I just hate that my urge embarks when I'm with him.

Whatever I'm going home now anyways, I can just pass by the bar tonight maybe treat myself if you know what I mean.

~ ~ ~

As I took a swig from my drink I looked around the place, wishing I'd find the perfect guy to take home. It's kind of like picking out a pet at the pet store or shelter if you will, I mean besides the part were you 'brutally' murder them.

I don't really consider my way of murder brutal, it's more of a heartless murder or maybe even selfish murder since I'm practically choosing one humans fate just because I feel like it.

As I was looking around a petite blonde girl tripped over my foot which was stretched out, how inconvenient. I was just about to mumble an apology but the second I saw her face I quickly turned around facing the counter of the bar.

"Matty, is that you?" Maria's voice squeaked, she sat on the stool next to mine trying to catch a glimpse of my face.

"I can't be seen with you." I hissed at her, if she's here with Dan then he might find out about my secret.

"Oh right, you don't want Danny knowing about your dirty little secret." She taunted light halfheartedly.

Just as she said that Dan strolled over to Maria wrapping his arm around her shoulders and went on to ask her, "Who's this guy you're talk- Matty?"

"Yep that's me." I chuckled nervously as I turned towards the couple.

Not catching on to what was going on Dan proceeds to tell Maria that I was the guy he was talking about.

Once his attention was diverted back to me I decided to excuse myself about today's situation, "Dan sorry about storming out of your house like that today, I felt quite sick and didn't want to be a bother." 

"Oh it's fine I just wished you would have stayed a little longer." He replied striking yet again another one of his contagious smiles.

"Danny I wanna dance some more." Maria whined as she propped herself up from the stool she was sitting on.

"Then we'll dance some more." Dan sighed as she pulled him by the arm, he swiftly turned to look at me striking a funny facial expression as if he was trying to make fun of Maria or maybe just to make me laugh, either way it worked.

Once they got lost in the crowd, I got lost in a conversation with my new patient.