Internet love

Chapter 3

So school started. The winter break is over and I need to focus more on school because of the begging of it - I had had three Cs so - and it scared me. I had spent all of my winter break studying tho it didn't get in the way of my relationship because he wasn't a morning person (like me) so I would wake up early to study and afterwards he would wake up and we would chat all day. But now with school... it's different. Every relationship that I had ended during school. It would last the summer break and then it would end on the second month of school. Well, not my first boyfriend. We had dated for a long time, but yeah.

I can't say I'm not afraid. I really am. I've fallen for him so bad, I have even drawn his name all over my school books, and I wasn't even paying attention to what I was doing! I feel so bad. I know that if this ends I'll get hurt. But I still want to try 'cuz I already started and I'm not giving up because I'm afraid of hurting myself ( and let's be honest, if I give up now I would get more hurt...i think...does this make sense? ). I know that when you like a person you have time for her. But me? I want to but it's difficult. As you guys know I'm an otaku, and I need to make life decisions.

Either I choose to spend the one hour that I have every day to see anime, to talk to him and I won't see anime for a long time, or I won't have any time to talk to him and I'll loose him.

Anime! Anime is for life. This relationship won't work out and deep down you know that.

But you love him, don't you?

I already told you...wait you are me...whatever, I already said it's not love. It can't be. I'm just...attracted to him?

Why are you attracted if you never saw him?

I did, in FaceTime.

But that's nothing. You need to see him in reality. Face to face.

But HOW THE F*CK AM I SUPPOSED TO DO THAT?

Talk to your parents.

Talk to your parents.

( yes I realize I'm one of those persons with the little devil and the little angel on their shoulder. The difference is that the devil is the part of me that is an otaku, and the angel is my sarcastic conscience)

I don't know if I will. I know how they are with " internet loves " so they will not react well if I say: " Hey mom and dad, will you go with me to a place really far away from here, just for me to enjoy some time with my virtual boyfriend? "

No, but if you try something else like: " Hey mom and dad. May I make a deal with you? If I take 19/20 in an English test, can we go to Guarda?" Maybe they will expect. You know they want you to be successful in life, so with this they may consider it. And even if you don't take a 19 you need to show them you really studied a lot so they can feel like you deserve to go.

Ok.

So after this little talk with myself, I picked my phone like always. I had messages from my ex. Did he still love me? God if he did he can forget me. I don't want anything with him. He asked me if I felt uncomfortable talking to him. I said no. But how can I not be?! I don't like to keep in touch with my exes. I just can't. It's too awkward and every time I talk to them I remember everything I went trough with them and I just think, Why did I ever like him? Why did I date him? He was so stupid from the start! Well, not my ex. He was a good guy the problem was that he's just too....childish?

Enough about my exes. They are my past.

I texted my boyfriend, but he didn't see it. When I got home I glued myself on the sofa, tuned my PS4 on and watched Netflix. My favorite show had made the second season and I watched the first episode. I sat in my bed after, processing what I just saw. Mind blow. God, what? I was trying to process some things when my iPad rang.

Him: Hi babe 😔 I'm sick.

Me: Really? Have you taken the medicine?

Him: no...

Me: Love, you need it. I know you don't like it, I don't like it either, but you will get worse.

We didn't make FaceTime. He wasn't ok. So my otaku part took over and I went watch a new anime. It's name is Kiss him not me. It was so strange and cheesy. But I don't care. I like cheesy animes. What I don't like is romantic movies. I can watch all cheesy stuff with anime but not with real people. It just disgusts e for some reason. After some time, when I finished the 6th episode, it hit me. I had a lot of homework.

- Oh god!- I ran downstairs to pick my bag and do it. I did the homework really fast and then I was ready to sleep.

It took me a while. I stayed thinking about him, and his body. Yup, I said it. I'm not the type of girl to think about sex, and to be a jerk, but he had a good body, tho his abs weren't really defined.
Out of topic.
You know how guys have like, an obsession with butts and boobs? I have with arms, jaw lines and necks. It's kinda strange. It's like, when I'm with a guy, I always look at the arms and hands. I just love arms and hands. And then the jawline, then the smile and their eyes. With that, I evaluate them. But I only do this when I already know them, I'm more attracted to a good personality.  Then I go by the physical status.

After some time, I realized something. He didn't say he loved me today.

Dramatic! You are making a storm in a cup of water, if I can say that. Did you even remember that he is having trouble at home?

Yeah but...is that enough for him to stop being cute and all...?

It depends.

And with that, I fell asleep.