lost | choni |

Chapter 1

I really don't want to deal with anyone right now. I'm tired- actually I'm mentally drained. I have to maintain this facade that I've built, I can't risk anyone ever seeing through the crumbling layers and the walls that I've built throughout the years. The truth is that I'm a mess. A hot mess.

Today's Friday and my best friend Heather is coming over after school, which is the only thing that I'm looking forward to. She sleeps over almost every weekend.
There's something that's been keeping me awake for weeks now. It's so confusing- I don't know why, but I am always thinking about her. There's this terrible thought that has been haunting me for weeks now: what if I like her in a romantic way? What am I supposed to do? I can't just tell her how I feel when I don't even know if it's real or if I'm just reading too much into everything.
All I know is that everything seems to be less terrible when I'm with her. Everything feels so right- but I already know that my mother would never approve. She's terrible. My brother Jason is the only family member I'm really close to. But I haven't even told him about Heather. I don't know if I ever will.
Who knows- if I ignore my weird thoughts they'll go away, I guess. Is it worth a try? Probably.

As I'm walking down the hallway at school, a group of weird nerds approach me. "Cheryl!"
Great, I really don't want to waste my time talking to these losers, when I could be talking to Heather instead.- So much about ignoring my feelings.
"What do you want?!" I snap, but before anyone could reply I add "Whatever you're about to say, I don't care"
I shove them out of the way and make my way to the classroom.

Having to pay attention in class is almost impossible when you sit next to someone as gorgeous as Heather. The way her eyes shimmer and the way her hair cascades down her shoulders, is breathtaking. And I catch myself staring at her a lot. I know it's wrong but I can't help it. It's almost like I'm a completely different person when I am with her. It's scary- to say the least.
„What are you doing?" she suddenly asks- I guess I wasn't as subtle as I thought I was.
„Nothing, I was just zoning out. This class is so boring, it deafening!" I reply while rolling my eyes, hoping that she'll buy it. She just smiles at me before drawing her attention back to the teacher- which is a good sign... I guess.

A few hours have passed and Heather and I are finally enjoying some alone time, since she's sleeping over at my place today. We're in my bed cuddling and talking about random things, which is my favorite thing to do. She's so beautiful and maybe I'm enjoying her embrace more than I should. This time it's her who's staring tho.
„Why are you staring at me?" i catch myself saying.
„Have you ever kissed a girl?" she suddenly asks me, completely ignoring my question and my heart feels like it's about to explode.
„No. Why are you asking?", my voice is shaky and I feel like I can't breathe. Everything is starting to spin and I'm terrified and curious at the same time.
She starts playing with my hair, looking anywhere but my eyes and I can tell she's thinking intensely about her next move, since she's ruffling her eyebrows. She eventually bites her lip- in an innocent way- and her glance finds mine again. She takes a deep breath and whispers „Can I kiss you?". All I can do is nod, since I'm incapable of piecing together a coherent sentence or let alone a word.
She leans in and as soon as our lips touch, I feel everything. Joy , pain, angst but most of all- relief. The kiss only lasts a few seconds, and it's sweet and innocent- but it feels amazing. I finally have an answer to all these questions. I definitely like her. We open our eyes again and immediately start smiling.
„Was that okay for you?" I ask, and this time, she's the one nodding.

Weeks pass by and we keep our romance solely to ourselves. Everything is going great and I have never been happier in my life. Loving someone and being loved in return is the best feeling in the world.
We're pretty good at keeping things private since we're definitely not ready to tell anyone. Especially not my parents. They already despise me and I really don't want to give their homophobic asses another reason to hate me. They usually never really care what I do and they never check up on me. Therefore Heather and I always sleep in the same bed, since they wouldn't notice. This night is turns out to be an exception. Heather and I are cuddling under my sheets and suddenly my door bursts open.
„I knew it! Get out of my house or I'll drag you out by your hair! LEAVE! NOW!" she yells at my girlfriend and Heather mumbles „I'm so sorry! I love you!" before she quickly grabs her belongings and rushes out of my room, tears streaming down her face.
„This is unacceptable! Disgusting! You're deviant! You don't even know what love is! You're sick- you make me sick to my stomach! If you ever cross paths with her again, I will send you away! I mean it!" my mother hisses and slams the door. At this point I'm already sobbing and shaking uncontrollably. A huge part of me is still hoping that this is a nightmare. I want to wake up. But it turns out that you don't need nightmares when your life's already tragic enough.

AN: I hope you enjoy it so far- feel free to comment on what you like/dislike :)