Hack Into My Heart

#1

CHAPTER ONE:

January 1st 2014

I write the date, as neatly as possible. OK. Looks good. What now?

After watching that movie with Bella, she told me to use the notebook she bought me from Spain and write a diary. Normally, I wouldn't even be bothered but Bella's very convincing and also I was too tired to think properly. Plus this is a childhood ritual right? I'm supposed to document my germination.

My pen hovers awkwardly. Ink pools at the nib and blotches the paper, spreading intricately, seamlessly.

Oh God, why does writing a journal have to be so bloody hard? I mean, everyone does it. I'm supposed to do this. Journals are literally a part of growing up and it's how people remember their exciting, carefree teenage years. But honestly, it's so hard.

I mean, I've seen the movies. Teenage girls endlessy write stuff in their journals with their fluffy pink pens. So why can't I? Was I born a boy? Oh God. I knew it. I knew it. This explains why I looked like a boy in my baby pictures. Bloody Mum tried to cover it up by saying that everyone looks like a boy in their baby pictures. But it's all a lie isn't it? Oh my God-

Actually. Mum probably wouldn't have even been bothered to ask for a sex change for me. She'd probably just live with her disappointment. Scratch that.

Oh for crying out loud, I might as well give up. I mean, no one will know that it was my New Year's Resolution, will they? Who actually cares? I'm allowed to change my mind because it's New Year's Day- that's practically law. Everyone's allowed to slack on the 1st of January.

Yes. And if Bella asks, I'll just tell her I'm religiously writing in this thing. Like, ten times a day. Like Mia Thermopolis who seemed to have enough time to talk to people and write in her diary (about the conversations she was having) at the same time.

Oh God. What if she comes over and she spots it? She'll kill me! I promised her I'd use this leather journal she got me. And then she'd launch into a lecture about how I never take her advice seriously and-

I know. I'll pretend I've created an online one. A blog or something. I'll pretend that I didn't want my thoughts to be restricted by the paper boundaries of a journal.

And then if she gets offended I'll say that it's still very lovely and I'll give it to my own daughter. Or, if I am childless because of a tragic infertility thing, I'll give it to my neice. Like a family heirloom. Although it's not like that notebook was even expensive... I suppose my child (or niece) can always sell it as a vintage or something. The resell value must be worth something.

I am such a genius.

What if she asks to see the website? Oh wait, she can't. Everyone knows it's practically illegal to read your best friend's journal. Although it happens all the time in movies.

Never mind.

Just to be sure, I'll create one. In case.

So I create a blog and use my name as my URL; rebeccafaye

I add a password, so Bella can't hack into it. Damn. I mean, it has to be hard to guess but what if someone hacks into my account? I can't make my password really cringey (so that rules out beckylikesdogs).

I'll make it really suave, like I don't even care if people hack into it. Bella will never even know, she won't even be bothered.

OK. I'll make it 3698.

If I was a hacker, I wouldn't judge that password. And then I'd be pretty disappointed to find an empty blog, still stuck on the ugly standard theme.