Everything is Not Picture Perfect

Sonny Chapter 4

OH Damn girl getting it, I’m gay & I would fuck her. Look at that body. if she was around I wouldn’t have went to boys. 

“Did u see this video Phil”?

 "What?” "This ok”

 “Omg I bet she feels terrible why would anybody put this out?”

 “I mean she is kind of a hoe”

 "So…!"

See my cousin is just too nice. I’m gay and I know when girls are acting like hoes. But no one knows I’m gay it’s kind of hard coming out being gay where I live. My parents are so against it. I don’t know why. They say god put men on this earth to start a family and provide for them. Not to marry each other. Which I think is bullshit. If you love someone you should be able to be with him or her no matter what. I just wish my parents could understand that.

I just wish that one day I would be able to come out and be myself

But hey who cares I need to find a man. Single is not in.  

Its hard looking for a boyfriend seeing that no one knows your gay.

And you can’t just go up to anybody and just start flirting with them, what if they’re not gay. And What if they are gay and they tell everybody that I’m gay. I just want to love somebody. I don’t think anyone even knows I’m gay except Phil, but where like brothers.  I act like a clown so people won’t notice but I knew I was gay ever since I was 5 when I saw my first gay porn video on accident. After that When I saw girl and boy having sex I didn’t care for it. It had no interest to me.  I even remember my first crush his name was Michael he was tall and handsome.  For an 8 year old of course. He was one of my close friends oh how I wish I could be with him but its not that easy in the second grade.

I feel bad for tha girl yeah i do im not some Jerk . For one thing i understand her. She proably acts this way to hide the real her . Like how i act like tha class clown so that no one knows Im gay. how would everyone act if they foun dout there Star Baseball player was gay . 

Some times i just wanna scream ' yes everyone I AM GAY ' but im to afraid of tha outcome. I just want everybody to know tha real me the sweet funny guy that makes everyone smile when there down. the person you can go to when you feel down or need fashion advice  ' oh no girl those shoes are not cute'. I dont want to be that gay guy on th baseball team i want to be sonny . the guy you love. 

"Sonny..."

I snap back remembering where im at. "yeah.. "

"are you okay ? "

"yeah, Its just that now that i think about it i do feel bad for her . not because of the video but because she cant shoe who she really is, she's crying for help "

"Woah , thats freaky Sonny being sensative and Deep "

"Shut up Phil "

He laughs and shakes my shoulders " No, im just messing with you bro, i understand what your saying"

But i dont think he actually does understand.