BOYFRIENDS.BTS // IMAGINES

#2 Learn To Communicate - Hoseok

Things kept piling up, and you had less and less time to complete the things you needed to get done. Add to that the fact that you could hardly look in the mirror long enough to get ready in the mornings, and by the end of your routine you didn’t see the point of it since it didn’t seem to help your appearance much at all, and the fact that your list of weaknesses stretched on for miles while your list of strengths could fill a single sticky note, and anyone could understand why you weren’t in the best of moods.
However, no one knew that you weren’t happy, because you didn’t tell anyone, keeping it to yourself in the hopes that you could handle it by yourself, though that didn’t seem to be working. You didn’t even tell your boyfriend, and had in fact started spending less time with him, knowing he’d worry if he noticed how unhappy you were.
Despite your best efforts, though, Hoseok was worried about you. He hadn’t gotten to see you much at all the past few days - weeks, even - and you weren’t really responding to his texts either, which was very unlike you. He had half a mind to just march into your home and demand you tell him what was bothering you, but the thought that he was what was bothering you kept him from doing that. He had to acknowledge the fact that he might just be clinging a bit too tightly to you and you just wanted your space, but if that was the case, then he wanted to hear it from you.
Unfortunately, he couldn’t hear it from you, because you weren’t returning his calls. You were too busy to answer the phone; too busy to eat, even, or sleep, so Hoseok was low on your list of priorities. And speaking of that list, you had somewhere to be.
You’d packed your things up into a bag, which seemed heavier than usual as you shrugged it over your shoulder. Your feet dragged as you made your way to the front door, but a deep breath and a few light slaps to your cheeks had you walking at a decent pace towards your destination. Your trip was rather uneventful, save for a stop to get something sugary to help you keep your eyes open, and you were even feeling a bit more awake as you entered the lobby you’d been asked to wait in as the man you needed to talk to was contacted.
The couches in the waiting room looked rather comfortable, but you knew you’d fall asleep if you sat down, so you instead walked around the room, inspecting the art and decor, and looking out the windows at the bustling sidewalks filled with cheerful people. You didn’t realize that the walking wasn’t really helping your exhaustion until you nearly tripped over your own feet, but it didn’t worry you; that had been happening often recently. The black spots that began to cloud your vision
hadn’t been common, though, and they only grew as you turned towards the woman calling your name, eventually blacking out everything.
Hoseok got a call just after practice ended from a number he didn’t recognize, but he answered without a moment’s hesitation, hoping it would be you calling from a new phone, as you losing your last phone would explain you not answering his calls. However, when he answered, he was greeted by a solemn, soft voice that he didn’t recognize. He listened to the nurse’s description of your condition, out the door of the studio before she’d even finished.
Hoseok was at the hospital within minutes, and you were still unconscious when he entered your room. As Hoseok settled down into a chair beside your bed, the doctor came in to tell him what the nurse hadn’t been able to, and the moment the doctor was gone, Hoseok was on the phone with Jin, asking him to make enough food to feed you for a week.
Hoseok didn’t know what to do with himself while he waited for you to wake up, but he didn’t want to leave your side, so he ended up just thinking. He wondered why you hadn’t told him about everything you were going through, but even moreso he wondered why he hadn’t noticed it himself. He knew something was wrong with you, but he hadn’t imagined that you weren’t eating or sleeping, and he didn’t know what to do now that he knew.
Tears began to prick at the back of Hoseok’s eyes before slowly rolling down his cheeks, and once he’d started crying, he couldn’t stop. He cried into your stomach as quietly as he could, hoping he wouldn’t wake you but needing to feel your body rise and fall with your breaths.
Sometime while he was crying, Hoseok had fallen asleep, and he woke up to your fingers in his hair. He sat up, not bothering to rub the evidence of his tears from his face as he met your gaze. The two of you just stared at each other for a silent moment before Hoseok, his voice raspy from crying, asked, “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I didn’t want you to worry.” Before he could say anything, you quickly added, “I know, it didn’t really work. But I thought I could handle it on my own.”
“Why would you have to?” Hoseok asked, trying to understand your reasoning. “Why did you want to handle it on your own, when you know I’m always here for you?”
“I didn’t want you to worry,” you repeated, knowing it wasn’t enough but saying it anyways.
Hoseok didn’t know whether to be angry or upset, but he kept his face as neutral as possible as he asked, “And you thought pushing me away would worry me less?” When you didn’t say anything, he murmured, “I knew you were upset; I always know when you’re unhappy. But you just kept pushing me away when I tried to help, and I thought you were unhappy because of me.”
Neither of you knew what to say to that, so there was a brief moment of silence as Hoseok turned to find that Jin must have dropped by sometime while he was sleeping; two identical tupperware bowls were stacked beside your bed, along with a short note saying either of you could call the boys at any time and they’d bring whatever you needed. Hoseok, knowing it would at least help his continuously growing worry, opened one of the containers and held it out to you. “Please eat.”
There was no way you would be able to refuse Hoseok without having him storm out of the room as a result, and you knew he was upset enough as it was, so you said what you thought would make him happiest; “Feed me?”
You knew you’d said the right thing when Hoseok visibly relaxed as he scooped up a forkful of the food Jin had prepared. He managed a small smile as you chewed your first bite, but that faltered as he spoke. “I love you, and I’m never going to stop worrying about you, so if you feel like you can’t talk to me…”
Promising that you’d never try to deal with things yourself again wasn’t something you could do, because you knew it would be a lie. You wouldn’t want to rely on Hoseok for everything, knowing that at some point you would be burdening him with your problems, but you also knew that you couldn’t let it get to this point again. So, after quite a long silence in which Hoseok’s mood continued to fall as he gave you forkful after forkful of food, you managed to say, “I know I can talk to you, and I will from now on, I promise. But only when it’s something I can’t deal with on my own.”
“So basically in situations like this?” Hoseok asked, a bit of irritation tingeing his words.
“No-”
“But you just said that you’d only talk to me when you found something that you couldn’t deal with on your own. And you thought you could deal with whatever caused this,” he motioned to your hospital bed with your fork, dropping a bit of food onto the pastel sheets, “so will you always wait until there’s nothing you can do but talk?”
The irritation in Hoseok’s voice had turned into sadness, and his eyes had begun to water again, but he refused to look away until you’d answered him. This time, it didn’t take you long to come up with a response. “I’ll talk to you. Once a day. I’ll text you about something that annoyed me. It might not be huge, but I’ll talk to you.”
For the first time since getting the call from the nurse, Hoseok smiled a genuine smile. Then, as he fed you another bite, he stated, “I’m going to spend the week at your place to make sure you’re eating and sleeping enough.”
There was no point in arguing; he wasn’t asking, and he’d fed you that bite of food so that you wouldn’t be able to respond immediately, so you knew he wouldn’t listen if you told him no. So, instead, you rolled your eyes and opened your mouth to accept the next bite of food, a small smile stretching across your face as well.