Sengoku Visions I

Chapter 21 - Happiness

That afternoon as the heat of the day was waning, we rode out of the village allowing the horses a gallop along the riverbank. I can't remember ever feeling so happy in my life. The blue waters sparkled with diamonds as we raced through the grass. The sky was clear, the air still warm against my skin. Saizo. Kirigakure Saizo rode just ahead of me to my right.

The curiousness of my situation returned for a moment, my mind's eye showed me the cherry tree bedecked in blossom at the edge of the training grounds where all this, whatever it was, began.

I shook my head to clear the thought and urged my horse to catch up. In this moment, this precise moment I allowed myself to simply be happy.

Days melted by, Saizo didn't introduce me to anyone else and I was confined to our room if he wasn't there. I guess he had his reasons, we were only meant to stay until Lord Shingen returned. I suddenly realised I had been so swept up in my little world I had neglected to even ask Saizo if he knew how the battle fared. I kicked myself for being such a selfish idiot.

I didn't have to wonder long because it was Saizo himself who offered the information, the battle had gone well for them and they were on their way back to Kai triumphant. I was so relieved and guessed we would be heading back too, it would be wonderful to see them all again.

It was early the next morning I suddenly woke for some reason, although all seemed quiet around me. A familiar hand was draped across my stomach, and I rolled onto my side away from him, curling myself into a snug, happy ball.

Unbidden, my mind began to send me all sorts of memories and for some reason tears began to course down my cheeks. I tried to stop them. I had never broken down like this and certainly didn't want to in front of Saizo, but damn it I just couldn't stop. I moved away from him a little. "Stop, damn it, stop" But the tears got worse and I heard a sob escape me.

His hand went around me, tightened, and pulled me back into his body. He didn't say a word but just held me as wave after wave of tears ran through me. Memory after memory flew across my mind.

Until the arrow in my chest I thought this was some sort of dream, some peculiar concoction of my imagination and that I would wake up from a coma or something, back in my world.

My sobbing started to subside and I hastily wiped my eyes and nose and tried to stop sniffing. Firm hands pushed me onto my back and Saizo rolled onto me. I could feel his fingers squeeze my shoulders. I didn't want to look. I couldn't look, and thankfully more tears came, blurring my vision. Still he said nothing.

"I always thought this was a dream." I took a couple of breaths to keep my tears at bay. "My world ..." I started, but the tears came afresh. Through my blurred vision I caught a glimpse of Saizo's face. "You don't understand." I sniffs, "I..." I gulped, trying to get angry with myself. I struggled weakly for a bit to get away, but he held me in place.

"Tamara." His tone immediately made me look up, I had never heard him sound so gentle. "That day we met," He paused, "Something in your eyes as I caught your wrist. I thought you...recognised me."

"Ah, well, yes, about that..." I started, but he leant in closer, making me stop.

"Tamara. You changed everything here. I never thought I could feel ..." Saizo stopped as a thousand emotions crossed his eyes. It was the most words I had heard him use without being angry.

"I love you." He said simply, and I could feel the sting of tears again.

"You showed me what true happiness is" I whispered, holding his gaze, "I didn't understand what that actually was until now." Tears began to dry as he leant forwards and kissed me, this time it was caring in a new way.

I reached my hand to seek the pendant on my neck....

And found myself standing at the market stall, staring at the pendant in my hand, the leather thongs swaying having come undone.

The light seemed intensely bright and I staggered backwards unable to take my eyes from it. For a split second it writhed again, sparkling green and gold.

"Are you okay mum? You've gone a funny colour." The familiar voice of my daughter came from my left.

"I...." I stopped. I had no idea what to say.

"Are you happy?" That voice! I snapped my head up only to see the stall holder holding out a small leather bag towards me. I just blinked at him. "Oh, there's something that goes with that..." He rummaged around and then held out a small wooden box which I instantly recognised.

I found myself unable to move, but by daughter gleefully bounced in front of me and took it from him.

She gasped. "Oh mum, this is beautiful, come and see!"

But I didn't have to, I knew exactly what was in there. An enameled hair pin, the emblem of a raven in flight and a blossoming cherry tree behind it.

I put the pendant in the offered bag and with a firm pull of the gold cords, sealed it away. Then my foggy brain jumpstarted. I hastily pushed up my sleeve and sure enough there was a ragged silver line.

My brain started capsizing.

Bustling my daughter away from the stall, I herded her towards the supermarket.

I need sake. Wait. What? I need wine. Lots and lots of wine.

"Did you go somewhere mum?" The question caught me off guard and I stopped to look at her. "You kinda zoned out for a bit there."

"Yes, I think I did." I said, trying to gather the memories and keep them fresh.

"Oooh, a vision quest" She said. "You should write it down."

And so I have.

And this is it.