xii: p h a n

last byes 🌙

-'dan'-
It's been a week or so since me and Phil went out and I haven't heard a word from him. I'm beginning to get incredibly worried so I decided I'll go check on Phil at his apartment. As I ride in the Uber I have a strange sense coming across my body its like a cold chill but the only thought I have running through me is Phil . I stared out the window as the reflection of my bleak eyes glare back at me.As I got off the Uber I felt a wave of happiness cross me , I'm going to see Phil and he's good to have a nice laugh at me for being so worried. I smirked at the thought. I began running towards Phil apartment as I felt the adrenaline fill my body , I knock. No answer. I click open the door that was surprisingly left unlocked as I walked in I'm greeted with utter silence, I walk around until I see the bathroom door flung open. All I can see is Phil lying lifelessly on the ground surround by empty containers . What the hell!? No this can't be happening , I begin to tremble uncontrollably and my tears stroll down my cheeks. I stared at his limp body as I slowly slump to the ground . I have to be dreaming and any time now I will wake up in Phil's arms. I look at his once marble blue eyes that now look hauntingly gray. Why couldn't I stop him! Was it my fault?! I feel a harsh reality hit me as I hear the pouring of my tears hit the cold ground. I have to call the cops ! I rush to the kitchen as Phil only had one telephone there , but wait there's a note from Phil , a suicide note , he had planned to do this even before he met me...

Hey Dan, I know this is something you wouldn't have expected for to happen, and I'm so sorry. But I need you to know something I was depressed I hated myself , I hated my life, I hate every aspect of me living. It was like every day I kept on going was a harsh joke that was being played on me. That was until I met you. You made me want to live again,from your all so lively smile to that hazel hair that toppled you. You brought love to my heart something that I thought I'd never feel again. I couldnt stand the thought of losing you but I was slowly losing myself in the process. I couldn't stay much longer, and here you are in this great mess, thanks for putting up with me Dan Howell i love you as you were the only thing I could truly find a sake in loving. Bye bear!

The pitter-patter of my tears brought me back to a reality as my tears soaked through the thin paper..I better dial the cops.. I want my Phil back I need Phil back.. I dialed the police and told them to send an ambulance as well, I was angered that I couldn't stop Phil. I screamed at the top of my lungs, the stress of Phil death was already going to my head I couldnt handle this. I hear sirens, the cops must be here . As my unstoppable tears kept on falling I remembered what Phil had said In the note, he wouldn't have been happy even if he was with me the pain would have burned through him. As the cops raided his apartment and tucked him into that despicable yellow body bag. I walked outside to a sunset as beautiful as Phil ,my eyes felt swollen as tears went down one by one, and as the ambulance drove off with Phil with its flashing red colors the last words I felt my lips release was," see you in paradise Phil."

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Hello! This was my actual first time writing a Phanfic so I apologize greatly if it was terrible , but I also want to that you if you actually took the time to read it so THANKS !! <3 💐