Prisoner of Chaos (Redemption Book #4)

Chapter 5

Kyla

I lay awake, long after the incident in the dining hall.

My stomach has finally calmed down, but this room is strange to me.

I don't like it.

It's cold here. My body isn't used to it, and even with arlite powered heating, the chill of it makes me think of the Dark Lord inhabiting Rift's body. I squeeze my eyes shut and see him, grinning at me wickedly and telling me to get down on my knees.

I'm struck that here I am, this immortal creature, who can turn into one of the most powerful beings in my world, but I'm still capable of being paralyzed by fear and grief. Every time I close my eyes I can see Rift, and I either see the Rift I knew or Dark Rift. Who is Rift? 

The beast side of myself is anguishing over his absence, but now I'm beginning to understand that possibly that side of myself only saw Rift as her mate because the Dark Lord is what created her in the first place.

I hate you, I tell Rift in my head, as I've done all the nights after the Dark Lord took over his body, I hate you for making me love you.

I wish you and your mother had never shown up. That you'd stayed trapped in your criminal life and I'd stayed trapped in my royal life. If I hadn't met you, I would never have desired the impossible: Freedom to love who and what I am. Freedom to become something other than what I was born to be.

If you hadn't appeared, I might actually be in love with Wes somehow, or at least not revolted by the thought of being married to him to save our kingdom from war.

I hate you, because I miss you and that makes me hate myself because of how I shouldn't miss you after what you did to me.

But I'm still in love with you because I've never experienced anything as extraordinary as the time I shared with you.

I close my eyes and sigh heavily. I need to stop going over what happened with the Dark Lord. How in a moment during it all he--the Rift I knew--seemed to reappear. With sad eyes he'd whispered to me, "I'm sorry, Kyla. I'm so sorry. Don't you dare forgive me."

Arlite, I think and touch my abdomen. I'm pregnant with our baby. I know I am, but what does that even mean? Rift is who he is and I am who I am. We're both humans who aren't actually human.

I sigh and turn on my side, but I find myself staring into a pair of red eyes. I gasp and sit up. I search for the button for my bed light, but since I'm still unfamiliar with the room I can't find it.

"Who are you?" a child's voice asks with suspicious intonation.

"Princess Kyla," I tell the person. "Who are you? What are you doing in my room?"

"I knew it, I just wanted to see you," the child's voice whispers. "We're the same, you know. You shouldn't be here. It isn't safe. You don't belong here."

"What do you mean?" I ask, a shiver going into the tips of my wings at this ominous warning.

"Are you going to have a baby?" The voice ignores my question. I can see the outline of this person. I think it's a little boy. A small hand touches my stomach. "You're going to find your peace, you Rift, and even Raia."

"Raia? Wha--What are you talking about?" I stutter. "How would you know that?" Finally my hand finds the light button and the room illuminates.

Whoever was in my room, is gone.

Something tickles just under my nose and I touch it. Warm wet. What? I get out of bed and run to a mirror. My nose is bleeding.

You need to come back to me, my lovely. Only I can take care of you.

The Dark Lord is speaking to me again.

I don't want to be alone anymore. I press my "call" button for some staff.

Relief floods me as the light to my room turns on and a maidservant enters with a bow. "Princess, are you in need of assistance."

"I'm bleeding," I tell her.

"What are you talking about?" A troubled look crosses her face as she studies me, searching for blood. I turn back to the mirror and my nose isn't bleeding anymore.

"I guess it must have been a nightmare," I tell her.

The maidservant gives me an annoyed expression. "Is there anything else? I'd expect a monster in human form would find herself a little more capable of dealing with her dreams."

"Actually, I need your help. I can't fall asleep," I tell her. I'm not about to let her just walk out after my disturbing visual experiences. Even if she hates me, I need someone "real" around to keep me grounded.

"Want me to sing you a lullaby?" She asks dryly, raising her eyebrows.

I laugh. "Do you know any?"

She sighs. "I'm not here to make jokes. I'm only serving you because I've been assigned to you."

"I'm sure I'll win you over yet. What's your name?" I ask her.

"Hanna," she says.

"You can call me Kyla," I tell her.

"Sure," Hanna mumbles.

"Do you like to play Chaos?" I ask her.

"Play what?" Hanna raises her eyebrows at me.

"You've never played Chaos then?"

Hanna shakes her head.

"You're on night staff, right?" I ask her.

Hanna nods.

"Alright, well, I'm kind of nocturnal, I am part monster you know, and in all the stories the monsters come out at night, right?" I say.

"I suppose," Hanna says, I can tell I'm surprising her.

"So, let me teach you how to play Chaos, so I don't have to be alone tonight," I say. "Would that be alright?"

"Okay," Hanna says, the corners of her mouth twitch. She walks into my room and sits down at the table in my room. "You're--you're not what I expected, Kyla."

"What did you expect?" I ask her. I walk over to my luggage to get the Chaos deck.

"We in Erlund have certain--uh--beliefs about the Cursed," Hanna says. "That they have no soul."

"Ah, a common misconception," I tell her dryly. I'm sure Rift would be proud. "That's only in the daytime."

"Lucky me, then," Hanna says, she's smiling now.

"Yes, you don't want to know what the dayshift staff will have to endure from me," I say, and I'm smiling now too. I go through my luggage. Instead of taking a Chaos deck out, opt for a set of Scrit. I can't play Chaos with things being the way they are with Rift.

"Change of plans," I tell her, as I sit down at the table and set up the Scrit pieces. "Scrit is way easier to learn than Chaos. And it also doesn't take nearly as long. I'm told I have to speak with Wes about wedding plans tomorrow and I do want to get some sleep." Already the unsettled feeling I had is retreating back.

"I actually know how to play Scrit too," Hanna informs me. "It originated here."

The back of my neck prickles, I sense someone's gaze on me, and I glance over to the window in my room and for a moment I see a pair of red eyes looking in at me, then whatever it is ducks out of view.