Smile {M.C}

2- What the f*uck are you doing at the library?

'I-I when I was younger, I-I should've know better and I-'

"What the fuck is that, change the radio station." Calum cringed. I didn't know what song that was but it sounded nice, definitely not what I would listen to usually but I guess change is good.

I checked my twitter account. A bunch of fans were asking me why I wasn't active lately. I decide to tweet something. @Michael5sos: Luke is annoying.
I didn't know what else to tweet.

I got up from the couch, about to head to my room. "Where are you going dude?" Calum asked not even looking away from the TV while he spoke to me. I rolled my eyes and ignored him.

I walked to my room and sat on my bed. Pulling out my phone from my pocket and taking the earphones off my nightstand. This is the way I drowned out the world. Listening to music and only music.

I was slowly dozing off when suddenly out of nowhere Calum barges in. I take the earphones out. "What the fuck dude?" I yelled. He always does this! Must be one of his most annoying habits.

"Ay Chill man, I knocked and you didn't answer. You should lower down your music, you're going to become deaf." He teased. Is he serious?

"What do you want man?" I sighed, putting my phone on the nightstand. I loved Calum but I really wasn't in the mood right now.

"Just wanted to ask you how you felt. It's been a long time since we talked about you know..." He trailed off, he didn't want to say it. My chest hurt, was he weirded out?

"No I don't know what." I glared, urging him to say it.

"Why are you like this man? You can never say how you feel." He changed the subject, again my chest hurt. Why couldn't he say it?

"How about because it's not your job to know how I feel! I don't want to talk about it! You're not my fucking psychologist!" I growled.

"You're such a fucking dick man! I'm sorry, okay?! I'm sorry I'm trying to be a good friend! You know we're fucking sick of you acting this way, we know how you feel but you don't have to act like such an ass! I came here to ask you how you fucking felt in general too but you know what? Never fucking mind!" He screamed, throwing his hands in the air dramatically and storming out of the room. My chest tightened again. Why was I like this?

"You don't know how I fucking feel Calum!" My voice broke, I hadn't even realized I was crying. Don't fucking cry Michael! It's weak. I sat down on the edge of my bed and stared at the floor. I fucking hate myself.

~

I'm nothing. I'm useless. I don't deserve to live. I don't deserve anybody. I don't deserve happiness.

I held the bottle of sleeping pills tightly in my hand.

If I take these, my life will be over. And maybe I'll be happy in a another life.

I chuckled bitterly to myself.

Who am I kidding? There is no other life. When I'll be gone. I'll be gone.

I stared at the bottle. A hysterical laugh slowly taking me over.

I laughed by myself in the empty bathroom, my voice resonating off the walls.

Nobody loves me. Nobody understands me. I'm all alone.

I was trembling. My hand was shaking as I opened the bottle and poured all of the pills in my hand, some dropped to the floor. I smiled mournfully, the tears wetting my arm.