i realized
being friends with you
most of the time
betrayed each black women in me
the way you swallow the names of women you choked out of vulnerability in our conversations over blunts
i would laugh uncomfortably
trying to
subside the fact that i am them too
perplexing self conflict
self shaming myself in the process
every fuck probably gutted them out of things they felt they could control
you reminded me
my body is something that i couldn't control
never thought you would remind me that
again
you promised that next time you'll stop
now i know what makes you hard
it's the persistences of them saying "NO"
ignites your inner perverted goku
you brag about how many of them you made scream
i wondering if was for you to stop
parching my throat like theirs
you nutting being our quench
waiting for you to be done
you know how to make all the women in my cringe
do you think of me that way?
when you ask me to stay the night
will you confuse my moans with theirs
does it go against my women to still love you ?
do you try to convince yourself i'm just kidding
when i tell you stop
you love to be inside girls, who do not even want to be inside themselves
you get them with their leftovers
still scarred with what the last man took from them
does the way my clitoris reacts make you think
you are god
to cover up your excruciation
did she take your impressibility in women
you weren't allow to be pliant with the youth of sexuality
would you be able to feel and reciprocate the sentiments of sex if she would of listened to your "no"?
do you think about her after you are done
does she whisper in your subconscious
that she taught you well
how to take away things people are not ready to give
the adventure of it all
you told me she locked you in the room
you told me i can't go home
you told me she forced her self on you
you told me i can't have my phone and to relax and take my jacket off
you told me she told you not to tell anyone
you told me it's my birthday
you told me best friend one day i'm gonna fuck the shit outta you one day but not today
and i wanted to ask you who gave your the permission
but i knew it's because he tasted the vulnerability before i even cam
and it wasn't up to me to decide anyway
but i still love you
my dear
you have been broken down by masculinity, and abandonment
the fatherless mislead black boy
in need for some love and humanity
in the world who refuses to let you have it
you are too wrap up in the true religion
that can never save you for disrespecting
god
even at her own throne
i know she is apart of the reason you can never be soft with women
but all women in me are tired of trying to licking your wounds
