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Chapter Seventeen

"NO!"

My body jerks from sleep at the boom that comes from beside me. Fearful at the sound of Matteo's bellow, I jump from the bed, sprinting to get the light. It flickers on and I freeze. He's drenched through his shirt, his face pale, eyes scrunched together tightly in sleep.

He's immersed in a nightmare.

"Ma-Matteo..." I breathe, stepping towards the bed. "Matteo."

He clenches the sheets of the bed, knuckles white, sounding as if he's choking. Without thinking about it, I rush to the side of the bed and grab his arm.

"Matteo. Matteo, wake up!"

"No!" he shouts, flinging his arm to lose my grip. The strength in his arm is too great. I'm sent backward, landing onto the ground with a echoing thud. I don't know how he wakes himself, if it was the sound of my body hitting the ground, but his eyes open wide and his body goes limp momentarily before he focuses on what's around him... where I am.

I find my body won't move although I want it to. I lift my hand- a shaky, fragile looking thing- and push the strands of hair from my face, struggling to swallow. He looks as though his soul has left his body. He sucks in a strangled gasp and moves from the bed onto the ground within mere seconds.

"Emma," he breathes, agonizingly, clutching my face. "I'm- Jesus, I'm sorry."

I shake my head, knowing I look frightened but I'm unable to help it. I've never seen anyone lose themselves in a nightmare like that. I've never been pushed by anyone before, even if it was unintentional.

"Em, baby, I-I didn't know what I was doing."

"I shouldn't have tried to wake you," I whisper, shaking my head once more. I don't want to make this more than it is.

"Are you hurt?" he chokes, looking over my face, my arms.

"No, I'm fine, Matteo..." I reassure him, moving to stand. He stands with me, his t-shirt soaked through the fabric, his face and throat glistening from sweat. I'm still standing here naked so I turn, looking for my clothes, something to cover up with. He's silent behind me as I pull on my jeans, buttoning them with useless fingers.

"Do you... hate me?"

The words come out so soft, so broken. And I feel actual pain. Holding my shirt in my hands, I turn in place, looking at him. He's still shaking from the nightmare but standing straight, in the same place.

"No," I breathe, shaking my head. I drop the shirt and walk straight into him, wrapping my arms around his shoulders tightly. "No, of course I don't."

He wraps his arms around my back, clutching the bare skin just as tight.

"I could never hate you."

"I had no idea. I didn't mean to hurt you. I-I have had nightmares before but I hadn't had one with you and I've never slept next to anyone else," he says, quickly. "I never want to hurt you."

"I know," I say, pulling back to look at him. I nod, kissing him softly. "I'm okay."

"Emma," he groans, sounding gutted. His arms clutch onto me tighter.

                                           * * * *

I lay flat on the mattress. It's past three in the morning now. Matteo chose to take the couch after his shower and I didn't really fight him in the moment. I knew he needed the space. Yet now, stuck in my head, I think of the tormented expression on his face when he woke from the nightmare and I can't sleep.

I sit up in the dark, pulling at my hair, aggravated. We did so well today. And knowing Matteo, he's probably not going to let this go.

I pull the sheets off, shaking my head. No, fuck that. I'm not going to let his past win. I walk to the door, pulling it open. The house is eerily quiet. I tiptoe into the living room, seeing his large body beneath the cover. I watch his eyes flicker to where I'm standing, even in the dark and I realize he hasn't slept either. I stop next to the edge, waiting. After a moment's hesitation, he lifts the comforter.

I climb onto it, with barely enough room to lay down. Thankfully, he pulls me close and I'm suddenly calm again. I kiss his arm in the darkness, wishing I could provide him some type of solace. We lay together for a while like that. Eventually, I begin to fall asleep... He's still tense behind me.