Gotta Keep Up

Chapter 1; The Beach

           I listen to the waves silently crash against the rocks lined along the shore. I run my fingers through the loose sand and look out to the water. I could taste the salt in the air and feel the breeze through my hair. The sky dances with an unlimited amount of color. There is a faint blue just at the top of the sky that is slowly turning into a dark black and by the sea it's a wonderful burst of pinks and reds. You can even see a hint of purple dancing across the sky. It was as if the sky had a mind of its own. It didn't have anyone telling what it has to do or what it has to be. The sky is free from judgement and even if someone thinks it is not beautiful it continuous to be whatever it wants. I look down at the rocks as well and see the waves constantly hitting them. Constantly changing the way they are shaped. Such a small thing such as water can change something as hard and strong as stone. It takes pieces from it slowly and surely changing who the rock is changing its make up. It's kinda like how people are they meet someone and the give pieces of themselves and they end up just giving and giving and giving until they are left with nothing. I bite my lip from letting out a sob and look to the water. It was so beautiful and so vast. You couldn't see anything for miles. It makes you realize just how small you and all your problems are. You're just a small blimp in this world. Nobody is really important they are just a person living within this world. I lay back onto the sand and look at the moon. How did i end up like this. How did life get so messy. This thing i call life it just seems to keep changing and i don't know who i am anymore. I just want things to go back to normal. I just want him back. He's really gone i thought to myself. How could he leave me here all alone he was my best friend, my savior when things went bad, my big brother, And now he's gone just like that. I close my eyes and let the tears fall. I keep repaying all the memories we had. This was our favorite place to go, me and him. We'd sit here and talk about things going on in our life's or even spend some time trying to see who could skip rocks better. Which he always won because frankly i was bad at it. A small smile escaped my lips and i sat up and wiped the tears away from my eyes. I pulled my knees to my chest and looked out into the distance. The tide started to come in and and i felt the water hit my shoes. A thought suddenly came into my head and i stood up and started taking my shoes off. I quickly threw my shirt over my head and unbuttoned my pants taking them off. I walked to the water in just my bra and underwear. The water came to about my ankles and i was about to jump in.

"A midnight swim are we?" a voice said from behind me. I whipped around and tried to cover my body. Standing there was a girl around my age maybe a little older. She was wearing a leather jacket and had combat boots on. Definitely not beach attire.

"Um, I was Just, Um. who are you?" i said standing there trying to forget i'm in just undergarments.

"I could ask you the same thing sweetheart." she said with a smirk while looking me up and down. "Nice underwear." My hands covered my underwear immediately and i blushed  crimson red. She had long brown hair that came to about waist level and she stood about 5-6 inches taller than my 5 foot frame. She looked me in my eyes as i looked over her face. I noticed she had these stunning green eyes they saw straight through me. They had such intensity i almost looked away. i looked down to her red stained lips and noticed she had a busted lip.

"What happened to your lip?" i blurted out without even thinking. I don't know who she even is. She doesn't have to tell me. I watched as she picked her hand up and winced when she touched her plump lips covered in blood. I almost went and tried to help her before realizing i was still standing in my underwear and bra.

"Wouldn't you like to know?" she said while laughing. "I'll see you around flower." she winked and walked away. My cheeks burned bright red at the nick name. I looked down at my underwear and realized there were daisies on them. I put my head in my hands and started laughing.

"Oh god." i said while hurriedly walking to get my clothes back on. I put my pants and shirt back on and grabbed my keys realizing i had to go back home. If that's even what you wanna call it. I walk to my black 2001 dodge ram truck and jump in starting the engine in the process. I pull out of my parking spot and start on my way back. I plug my phone into the aux cord and play some music off my spotify. I stop at a red light go to my saved songs and pick Beaten in Lips by Beartooth. I sing along to the songs that come across my radio until i get solemnly home. I turn my truck off once in the driveway and lean my head on the steering wheel. I take a deep breath and open my door jumping out and walking to the back door. I slowly open it hoping my parents wont notice me coming in so late. I turn my back and slowly close the door and when I turn around standing there is my mother with yet another alcoholic drink in her hand and she's looking at me with glossy eyes just proving she is drunk. Her hair is in knots from days of not washing it or brushing it. Any makeup she had been wearing has been smeared down her face and she is in a beer stained nightgown.

"Where have you been all night young lady?" she says leaning on the wall and slightly slurring her words.

"I was out." i say looking away. I go to walk away when she grabs my upper arm and pushes me back standing in the only door way out of our kitchen.

"I asked you where you were and you are to answer me. I won't tolerate such disrespect in my house especially after losing...." she chokes up on the last part. i knew she was going to bring him up. she always does especially if i do something wrong.

"I'm going to my room." i say pushing past her to the hallway. I start walking away when i hear a loud crash right next to my head. I fall into the wall next to me and look at the wall. There is shattered glass everywhere and a stream of liquor gliding down the wall. I turn and look at her and as expected she is no longer holding the drink. She has tears flowing from her eyes and she keeps and whispering words inaudible to me. I feel something dripping down my face and move my hand to feel what it is. I pull my hand back and look at it and see blood staining my fingers. "What the actual fuck is wrong with you?!?" i scream walking into my bedroom and slamming the door.

I sit down at a desk in my room and look into the mirror. There are pieces of glass scattered in my face just above my eyebrow and the left side of my cheek. I grab a pair of tweezers and start removing the glass piece by piece. Tears start to form in my eyes and i wipe them away with the back of my hand. I grab a towel and some pajamas and walk to the joint bathroom connected to my bedroom and my brothers. I turned the hot water all the way up and take off my clothes placing them in the laundry basket. I slowly get into the shower and let the hot water run down my body. I go to grab my shampoo and knock down an old body wash. I pick it up with shaky hands and place it back on the shelf where it was before. I fall down to the bottom of the shower and let everything out. I cry and cry until there's nothing left to cry for. I stare blankly at the walls of the shower until the water runs cold. I shut off the water and grab the towel i had left on the counter and dry myself off. I look in the mirror at my dull brown eyes that look sunken into my skull. They have no life left in them. I look at my long brown hair that just sits there with no life. I look at the old scars that lie in random places on my face and to the new cuts that are very visible on my olive skin. I look away from my reflection with new found tears in my eyes and at my barren thighs. Scars litter my legs throughout its length. some darker than others due to freshness or depth. I bite my lip and dig into my dresser drawer. i take a deep breath when my hand feels the cold metallic that i use to take my pain away. I look at the blade and flip it over in my hands a few times. I slowly drag a blade across my skin applying more and more pressure. One time, two times, three. All i could see was red. i had no control of what i was doing. I continued until i couldn't see anything more than cuts and blood on my thigh. I cleaned up the  wounds and rubbed disinfectant on them. I put my pants on and lied on my bed. I reached under my pillow and grabbed out a photo. The edges are torn and worn out from finger tips running along it. It had a crease down the middle from being folded. It was a picture of me and my brother before he died. We were at a carnival and he had just won me a stuffed elephant because he knew they were my favorite. In the picture i was hugging him and my elephant and he was hugging me. I held the picture closer to my chest and started crying. I sobbed until i fell unconscious hoping sleep would save me from the hell i  am living in. In my sleep i dreamt of the girl, the one from the beach. We were together just having fun doing things like me and my brother used to. It was the best night sleep i had gotten in the past year. My dreams weren't plagued by nightmares all because of a girl who i don't even know the name of.    

Authors Note: i hope you guys like it and ill update when i can