Losing Life's Grip

Chapter 6

I had this perfect scenario in my head for when Evan got out of surgery. Evan was going to get out. I was going to walk into his room. He was going to see me and immediately brighten up. I was going to apologize for being a jerk. He would do the same. I would run into his arms as we said we love each other. Everything was going to be perfect again just like it was supposed to be.
Unfortunately, that did not happen. Instead Evan was dying in this stupid hospital. Something went wrong with his surgery. I still don't understand what exactly got messed up. All I know is that my boyfriend had a kidney transplant and it did not go as planned. He is dying now.
When the doctor told Karen and I, she started sobbing. I didn't for some reason. Instead I just froze. I didn't move a muscle and I didn't say a word. I stayed completely and utterly still and silent. Karen started to try to speak.
"Is...is he still alive? Please tell me my son is still here." She managed to say through her sobs.
"Yes, Evan is still alive. Unfortunately, not for much longer. He is going in and out of consciousness as we speak."
"Take us to him!" I suddenly blurt out,"Take us to him now!"
"I'm sorry, miss, he is not stable enough to have visitors."
" Please! I'm begging you! This woman is about to lose her son and I am about to lose the love of my life! At least let Karen see him. She is his mother."
At this point I'm sobbing too. It was just to much to bare. I guess the doctor felt pity on us. He ended up letting us both see Evan. It was kind of like I imagine in a way. He immediately brightened up. I ran over and hugged him as well as Karen.
"Evan! Evan, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean anything I said. I love you more than anything in the world. I can't do this without you. Evan, my love, you have to stay with us. I need you and so does your mom."
He smiled weakly at Karen then me. Karen held on to Evan's hand.
"Baby, I need you to try to hold on as long as you can. I love you my beautiful son. You are my world."
"I love you , Momma." He managed to croak out
"Don't just fight for me, do it for Alyssa too. We both need you so much, honey." Karen looked over at me. Evan looked like he was going to try and speak again.
"Alyssa, I... I," Evan started coughing and he turned white as a sheet.
"It's okay. Don't try and talk yet. You are too weak."
He just shook his head.
"Alyssa, I know I'm gonna die. I've accepted it and it'll be fine. I just want you to know," Evan broke out in a coughing fit, " I love you more than anything Alyssa. You are not selfish. You are the most perfect girl I could ever imagine. I just... I don't want to hurt you. I don't want to make you so upset." Evan started tearing up. I have been dating him for such a long time and I have not once seen him cry.
"Evan, you could never hurt me. I love you. Don't feel bad, none of this is your fault."
I started crying too. I wanted to be strong for him so badly. I couldn't do it though. I didn't want Evan to die. I already lost Lilly. At least then I had Evan to turn to. If he died I would have no one. I've gotten so used to doing everything with him. How am I supposed to go on without him.
I got down on my knees letting out loud, hard sobs. I rested my head on his chest. Evan reached down and lifted up my chin. He looked at me with his beautiful green eyes. He pulled me in and kissed me softly.
"I love you, Evan. You are my everything"
"I love you, Alyssa Marie. You will always be my princess."
His body started to go limp. Evan's head fell back. I knew this was it. The heart rate monitor's beeping slowed. He flatlined. His breath stopped.
"No, Evan! You can't die! Please, don't leave me." My voice broke. Karen was on her knees crying. As much as I was denying it, I knew the truth. It was over. He was gone. Evan, my love, my world, my everything, was dead.
I would never here him call me princess again. I would never feel him hold me. I would never see his beautiful smile. So today at this funeral, Mrs. Cooper had asked me to speak about Evan.
At first I did not in any way want too. I wasn't even planning on coming to this funeral. I thought it would be too painful. When I thought about it though, I felt like Evan would want me to do this. So, I leave you with these words.
Evan was the most amazing guy I have ever met in my life. He was sweet, caring, funny, and made me feel like I was the only girl in the world. I have lost many things that I care about in my life. Through that, I have learned that you can't let it keep you down.
When my best friend died I stayed in my room for weeks. It gets you no where. You are always going to lose things. The only thing you can do is to cherish the things you love as long as you possibly can. It will always help you when your loved ones are slowly losing they're last grip on this roller coaster called life.