How to be a Clown

Chapter 3 Shake Your Money Maker

Most clowns deal in commodities; balloons and face painting are the most common. They also use stickers and tattoos.

The public won't care as long as they got something. Because if you have the performance value of a rock it won't matter because something was given out or sold; it doesn't matter if it is used to cover up bad clowning. If that kid is afraid of you just hand them a balloon and it will ease the tension and fear.

Clowns need to know how to do a lot of things at least at a mediocre level. I once heard that clowns need to be a jack of all trades. They need to be a magician, a balloon twister, a face painter, puppeteer, juggler, party game coordinator (don't forget that parachute), stilt walker, unicycle rider, etc.

Having this multitude of skills will help you get hired over the next clown who does not have such skills. Somebody calls you up and asks "I need a clown for my event. Can you do balloons?" If you say "no" guess what you just lost that job to a clown who can do balloons. It's all about marketability.

You need to learn these skills at a breakneck speed. As fast and hard as you can take it. It doesn't matter how good or bad you are the public won't mind. A lot of people can get away with being something else dressed as a clown. Like a balloon twister. Because if they only deal in balloons what does it matter anyway? They don't need to be an entertaining performer only a balloon machine.

For magic I recommend getting a dove pan, magic coloring book, break apart wand, sponge balls, change bag, and any other "self working" magic tricks. Clowns love these!

Balloons, get yourself some quality balloons no party store junk and a good hand pump. All you need to do is learn about 3-5 designs. I recommend dog, sword, and balloon hat.

Other good skills to have are; poi, fire eating, slack rope, diabolo, yo-yos, devil sticks, hat manipulation, flower stick, and bubbles.

Whatever you do don't bother studying comedy very much. Clowns don't need to be funny or entertaining. Just learn some bad puns and groan worthy jokes. Because, hey telling that groan worthy joke got a reaction from you even if it was not a laugh. Clowns want some kind of reaction. So I would advise if a clown tells you really bad jokes in an attempt to be funny or get you to groan just do nothing or walk away if you can. Get yourself a stupid looking pun based prop. Clowns love those. Just learn some classic clown skits like "Busy Bee", "Ring Ring", and "Stagecoach". Don't get too cerebral with it. That is seen as amateurish. The audience and other clowns will think you are boring. I recommend some slapstick it's easy to get the point across with. It doesn't need much language either like puns do. Some clowns seem to be straying away from such antics only because they think it is outdated and sets a bad example for the children.

Branding is very important, so put your name on everything! Your costume, your hat, your props, your balloon pump, whatever you store your props in, your bike, your shoes, your car, etc. Because without all this personal branding how is somebody going to know who they want to hire for their kids' next birthday party if they didn't see that clown's name plastered all over their props and costume? This sometimes does end up problematic if you want to sell some of these items later.

So bring on the commodities!