Aftershocks ➳ Philkas/Eyewitness

03

Episode Three: Misfire

At school, Lukas tells everyone it was an accident. He was cleaning his gun and it misfired. Nobody even bats an eyelash. Over the next week or so, he receives countless "get well soon" cards and sympathetic hugs from friends. Everyone treats him like royalty. It's kind of nice, in a sense. He likes being the center of attention. Thrives off of it. Always in need of constant validation and regard.

But the sad part is, nobody notices that Philip hasn't been coming to school. He's been cooped up in Helen and Gabe's house, grieving, trying to cope with the death of his mother. He can't bother coming to school or doing anything, for that matter. Nobody cares about Philip in Tivoli. They only know him as the gay kid from the city who stalks Lukas Waldenbeck.

So nobody at school pays attention to Philip's empty desk. Nobody notices he's gone. Everyone has more important things to worry about.

Well, everyone but Lukas.

There's a stack of homework on Philip's desk that grows taller each day. After school, Lukas always brings Philip his missed assignments and notes from lectures. Sometimes he actually sits down and attempts to do schoolwork, to catch up on all the days he's missed, but he can never focus for longer than a few minutes. Bad thoughts always interrupt his brain.

How can he calculate sine, cosine, and tangent when his mother is dead?

But Lukas tries to be there for him whenever he breaks down in the middle of reading a textbook or writing an essay. The sadness comes in unexpected, random waves. He just cradles Philip in his arms and lets him cry against his shoulder, tears soaking his shirt.

When they're alone, in private, Lukas can be whoever he wants to be. He doesn't have to be the tough guy who was shot in the chest by a random hunter. He can be the vulnerable boy who cares about Philip more than anything else. 

°°°

Across the kitchen, Philip stares at the wall calendar that hangs crookedly on a bent nail. Each month has a beautiful landscape photograph taken somewhere in New York, from Niagara Falls to the heart of New York City. This month's picture is a photo of the Statue of Liberty with a sunset in the background, glimmering orange light over the calm water.

Every morning, Helen marks the daily box with a red 'x' to keep track of the date. He counts the number of days he's missed school in his head.

Fourteen, not including weekends. Almost three weeks.

It doesn't seem like it's been that long since his mother was killed. The pain still feels like a fresh wound, bloody and raw. Every time he thinks he's finding a little bit of closure, the sharp claws of trauma pick at his scab and rip it open again. It's a never-ending cycle of grief.

Suddenly, Philip hears the familiar rumble of Lukas's motorcycle engine. Nostalgia tugs at his stomach as memories float into his mind. He remembers all the times he wrapped his arms around his waist as they rode down dirt roads, resting his chin on his shoulder. The vibration of the bike between his thighs. The pressure of the helmet against his ears, blocking out the noise.

Unfortunately, Lukas hasn't been able to ride his bike since he was shot. The doctors advised him not to participate in motocross until his stitches were removed and the wound fully healed. Instead, his father has been driving him to and from school in his old, beat up pickup truck that smells like cigarette smoke. Lukas tries to be strong for Philip's sake and pretends it doesn't bother him, that he doesn't miss his bike, but Philip knows the truth. To Lukas, losing his motorcycle is like losing part of himself, as silly as it may sound.