My Random Writings

I am her Friend: A Razor's Tale

I am her Friend.

I am her Savior.

She is nothing without me.

I am nothing without her.

This is the mentality we both share and yet we both know it is a lie. I know she could live without me, but I can't live without her. She could leave and be happy if she truly wanted, but for razor's like me there is only one place we go without people like her, to the trash. So I make sure I shine extra bright, I leave no trace of past blood on me. I wait for the right moment, no more than a month, then she would forget about me. I wait till she breaks, her eyes dull over and lose the life they had as tears fall from them. Her breathing becomes rapid as she runs away, her feet launching her down the stairs to me. Her body meets the mattress but her eyes focus only on me. I know she tries to resist, she grasps her wrist tightly. But all I have to do is whisper:

I am your Friend.

I am your Savior.

You are nothing without me.

I am nothing without you.

and her grasp slackens as her will gives way to the craving that she had found in me long ago.

I forgive you.

Yes, no matter what we do we always forgive each other. She forgives the wounds I leave in the end, and I forgive her mistakes she feels she has made. Ever since the first slice, I was repentance, the last thing to help her cope. And after time she started forgiving me for the horrid marks i make with each repenting slice. She had wanted me to this after all. Bound in this cycle we chase what we cannot obtain, that bliss and peace of mind that never lasts long in this world. She holds me in her hands, warming my colder surface, she ponders weakly for a second. She shakes her head furiously, determination filled her eyes as she runs my edge against her skin.

Her face contorts in pain as she pulls back, tears prick the corners of her eyes. She gets mad, I know she does from the way her nose scrunched up, she cuts deeper. Sometimes she wants to cut so deep that she won't have to cut next time, but I won't let her. I care for her too much to let that happen, so I suggest her thighs and stomach as well as her arm. I was just one of three humble shower razors packed together, and from that she made me more than that. I owe the world to her and can only offer my heart to help her.

I don't want her to miss out on something, but I don't want her to stop using me. I dont mind about her wealth, I don't mind that she is mostly a loner. I only mind, no, I only care that she is a shattered heart. I care that her heart is glass placed in the carelessly clumsy hands of the world. I care that everyday she has to piece herself back together. I care cause this is where I can help her, I can save her, offer the attention and care so often neglected. She will feel wanted by me and it will be enough, I am all that she needs.

Though I do fear what will happen if she doesn't use me. Will IT rust away? Will she throw me away? Will she find someone new if i start to dull? We have been through so much, will she really get rid of me? Though I doubt it, I still worry that might not be enough, and I want her to be my only one, and I to be hers.

I know we can't last like this, and I know she thinks this too, that this promise bounds us to only one dead end. I heard her talking about calling a "Therapist" after a really bad night, her parent agreed to it. It was then I knew what was going to happen, she came into the room, her face somber as she sat beside me, we sat there for a bit as she pulled me up towards her face.

She held me in her hands and tried to smile as she stroked the dull side of me, "I am sorry to do this," she said with tears in her eyes. I would like to think those tears were really for me, that she was morose over the thought of our parting, but i know they weren't. "I need to get better," her body drooped and fitted the gloomy atmosphere of the room, "and that means to get rid of you."

Her words stung terribly as she stood, the same determination the had filled her when using me earlier faintly glowed as she moved towards the garbage. I couldn't believe I meant so little to her. I had helped her, I had listened to her when others didn't, and only to be thrown like trash. I just couldn't imagine this was how it would end. Was I not enough?

She held me over the trashcan, but didn't drop me. Her determination flickered in a faint struggle for its life, I dared not say a thing in case it were wrong, I only glistened. We were like that for a while, she stared at me and I glistened at her. Quickly, she pulled me back towards her in a hug, "I'm sorry," she sobbed, her tears fell on me and were wiped off by her.

I forgive you.

She dragged her protesting body over to her dresser, and gently placed me among her socks. Tears fell as she slowly closed the drawer, "You can stay here for now," she sniffled. I guess toxic people can stay together, and, in the dark drawer, I once again do what I have done all this time before.

I WAIT.