BTS imagines

Not Enough (Jimin)

It was three in the morning and all you could see is darkness. It was threatening to swallow you alive as you stared into the ceiling willing this feeling to go away. Your day hadn't started off this terribly, in fact it was just another day for you. He finally had earned a day off from practice and had left the whole entire day open just for the two of you.
"Babe lets get some coffee.. We both need our daily dose or else we won't last the day of fun I have planned for us!" Comfortably intertwining your hands together you both lightly walked down the street hand in hand, completely content. You couldn't help looking down set your intertwined hands and smile.
"Why are you smiling and looking down at our hands Y/N? You look crazy." Lightly patting you on the head, Jimin smiled down at you as the sun perfectly accentuated his nose and high cheekbones. All you could reply with was a shy, "I don't know... I don't think I can ever get used to... This. Holding your hand, it's so real and it makes me so happy. How can holding hands with someone make me so safe and happy? Oh geez I'm rambling I'm sorry. Let's... Let's just go get coffee!" Letting go of his hand in embarrassment you slowly start to walk towards the coffee shop creating some distance, flushed red because of your brief moment of vulnerability in front of your boyfriend. All you could do was repeatedly mumble under your breath about how stupid you were. Y/N how STUPID could you be! He probably thinks you're insane.
Jimin just carefully watched from behind, stunned at the brief and intimate moment that had just occurred on a busy street, his girlfriend had flashed a bit of her heart and it had gone away in a blink of an eye. He never understood why you were so unwilling to open your heart to him. Even after two years of building up trust.. You still struggled to come to him after a hard day at work, preferring to stay bottled up in your emotions instead of releasing them so he could comfort you.
Trying to not ruin the happy day ahead, Jimin grabbed your hand again.. Pretending like nothing had just happened and only tightened his grip on your hand. As the two of you walked hand in hand to your favorite coffee store, you felt all eyes turn to you as the bell overhead signaled someone's arrival. Your immediate reaction was to melt behind Jimin's shoulder. You hated when people looked at you or stared, it felt like they were whispering... And it didn't help that your boyfriend had killer looks while you were well.... Average.
Average was a light way of putting it.. Jimin hated when you called yourself average and always tried to point out the beauty within you, but every time he found a positive quality, you managed to find three flaws. You spent hours in front of the mirror lifting up your shirt to see your stomach fat drip over your shorts just a little bit too much and the fat on your arms jiggled a little too long.. Every time Jimin was off practicing with the boys, you were home. Scratching and clawing at the fat that clung to the bones on your body, praying that one day you'll wake up one morning, worthy.
But Jimin didn't know any of this happened in the chaos of your thoughts, he woke up to you every morning smiling with a cup of coffee in hand ready for him to take to practice when you felt like the small boiled egg you ate three minutes ago was going to eat you alive. Even as you sat down in the coffee shop and looked at the menu, you looked toward the lowest calories labeled food and drink so that it wouldn't go to your hips and make Jimin even more ashamed of you. "Sweetie, aren't you going to eat more? You don't eat a lot, you need to eat." Jimin worriedly looked across the table as you nibbled on a piece of lettuce.
You reassuringly smiled at him and shook your head, "I'm fine, I'm just not hungry."
"Y/N.. You are always saying that. Come on eat a little more, you don't get to scold me for not eating if you don't do it yourself."
"Seriously Jimin, I'm fine. I'm just not feeling well today. Could we please drop it? Your fans are looking at us. I don't want to embarrass you."
Jimin looked at your huddled figure trying to melt into the scene, "Embaressed... When did.. When did I, I would never-"
"Jimin oppa! Can we get your signature?"
You took that as your cue to leave him in peace with the ARMY's and quietly exited the shop, looking for some kind of refuge. Before you could go far you felt the cold harsh rings Jimin always wore wrap around your wrist. "Where are you going? How could you just leave?" Nervously out of habit you started to twist your hair bands around your wrist while looking down at the floor, "it... They were your fans, I didn't want to be an inconvenience. You know I learned early on to stay out of people's way-"
"Look at me Y/N," Jimin placed his fingers under your chin and grabbed your attention.. His eyes immediately softened at the vulnerability and hurt that was present in yours, "you are never. An inconvenience, not with me."
"I'm fine really, don't worry about it. Let's just go to the mall so we can buy you some new clothes ok?" It was easier to shrug off the feelings until after Jimin left for his late night dance practices. No need to burden him with your issues when he had so much going on. As you turned towards the street searching for a taxi Jimin looked at you sadly. He didn't understand why you didn't see the beauty he saw within you everyday.
"Jimin come on! I grabbed us a cab!" Gesturing over to your boyfriend you plastered on a bright smile, reminding yourself you just needed to get past today. "Oh, yeah okay! Let's go. I'm planning on buying my beeaaautiful girlfriend some new clothes!" Carelessly wrapping his arms around you he beamed his signature sunny smile down at you. Shaking off his arm lightly you patted his chest and mumbled you didn't need more clothes and that today was for him.
Once you had both arrived at the mall, Jimin immediately grabbed your arm and dragged you towards a shop. Digging your heels in you whined and complained begging him as he started approaching the shop, "Jiminnie, pleaaaase. I don't need more clothes, I have enough as it is. And if I really need it I can steal a shirt from you!" Stealing a glance back at your desperate face pleading, Jimin simply smirked before starting to pull clothes off the rack. Shoving you into the dressing room with a pile of clothes he shouted lightly over the door, "you're not coming out until you try on every single outfit for me."
Sighing you conceded, you knew how stubborn Jimin could get and it was easier if you just listened to the little brat. The first thing you grabbed was a red crop top with a leather skirt... Squinting at minuscule outfit you tried to imagine a little bit more fabric, praying it would cover your fat enough so you wouldn't shame Jimin. Pulling the clothes on your body you looked up into the mirror and choked. All you could see was your fat thighs sticking together, your curves curving all the wrong ways, and your face was flushed red, like a boiling tomato. In that moment Jimin had decided to knock after being restless waiting for you, lightly whispering he opened the door, "come out here baby, I want to see you." Shaking your head you squeaked as Jimin grabbed your wrist and pulled you out from behind the door.
The moment you stepped out from behind the door, you tried to hide from Jimin, looking for a corner or something to hide behind but you stopped yourself once you looked at Jimin. The first thing you had expected was a look of disgust or concern at his girlfriends terrible body, especially after being around so many idols. But you were surprised to find a different look in Jimin's eyes, it was love. The way he looked at you made you want to melt, the way his eyes had gotten a little bit bigger almost in wonder and his pupils dilating and focusing as he zeroed in on every inch of your body. You shyly tried to move away from his gaze, but his eyes followed you everywhere, "Jimin can I please go change I feel ridiculous." Jimin stood there with his mouth agape as he tried to find words to describe how beautiful you looked. As you turned around to enter the room again he grabbed your wrist and forcefully made you stand in front of him again, sternly warning you to not move. The first thing he did was take pictures of you, your natural instinct was to flinch and try to conceal your face but Jimin glared at you once again. For the next three hours all you did was go in and out trying the different outfits while Jimin took pictures with his mouth hung open.
At the end of the day, you were the only one who came out with new things in hand. As you both plopped down in a seat outside you were surprised by Jimin placing a box on the table. "Jimin? What's this, you've already bought me so much stop-" "Can you please just open it before scolding me, geez you're like my mother." Opening the box you were surprised to find a pair of white Adidas sneakers, "what is this, I have shoes..."
"Babe, look down at my feet." You looked down to find Jimin with the exact pair of shoes on. You sat there stunned...when had he prepared all of this and how, he had been sleeping late because of his schedules.. Yet he somehow had made time to do this for you. You slowly started bowing your head as tears threatening to burst, trying to conceal your face because all you could feel was shame.
"Hey hey, why are you crying.. I got you this so you could be happy.." Jimin gently brushed away your tears as he placed his fingers on your cheeks. "I.... I am, but Jimin I don't deserve you, how can I just accept this."
Jimin finally couldn't take it anymore, after a whole entire day of doubting yourself and his love for you he had enough. "Y/N, do you not love me?"
"Wha- what are you talking about of course I do-" nervously clasping your hands together you braced yourself for the dreaded three words that would end your time together.
"Then why do you keep saying things like this!" Frustratingly ripping his hands through his hair he looked at you, "why do you think I do all these things for you? Because I'm bored?? Y/N please, I could do this for anyone.. But I do it for you because I LOVE you. Why do you keep looking down on yourself? You think I don't know how much you hate eating? Or trying on new clothes? I know, I just don't say anything so you can come to me when you're ready. But I can't take it anymore, not when the person I love most, won't accept the love I give her."
"But Jimin-" you called out to him, pleading, "that's not it, I'm just.., just not good enough. Not for you." Snapping his head back at you, you flinched under his harsh and angry gaze. Growling under his breath he stalked towards you, "who the hell told you you weren't good enough for me? Huh? Y/N I'm the one not good enough, you're the one who wakes up before my early schedule and makes me my favorite coffee and brings me and the boys meals. You stay up late just so you can greet me with a hug and ask me about my day or tuck me in. You take late Skype calls when I'm missing you regardless of what country I'm in. I'm the one who doesn't deserve you."
Melting under his gaze you tried to shy away from his harsh eyes, "I'm.. I'm sorry Jimin..." Groaning Jimin looked down at you, "why are you apologizing to me! I'm not your father, I'm not scolding you. Stop apologizing! Get angry, hit me, cry, SOMETHING Y/N! Don't just sit there, get mad at me, tell me what's wrong, rely on me."
Shaking your head you pushed Jimin away as you stood up to face him, "Jimin. I'm not good enough. I need to accept that, maybe you and I are both lacking in ways, but this is..,, this is me, this is how I cope with things. And I have trouble opening up to you, I honestly don't think you'll need me around if I make you this angry." Grabbing your wrist, Jimin pulled you back into his hard chest, "You can't just leave me, you're the one thing who has kept me together. And this time, I want to be that for you, so please... Don't leave."
Shaking off Jimin's grip you turned away from him as tears slowly dropped down your face, "why, why don't you give up. No one has been able to fix me, and they just end up running away. So I'm giving you the chance now to run, so that neither of us are stuck with bad feelings." You felt Jimin's warm hand lightly wrap around your wrist before pulling you into his hard chest. Every inch of your body was touching his and you couldn't breathe, how could he manage to have this effect in you even when you wanted him to leave your side. "I'm not leaving you, don't you dare think I'm leaving you, you're stuck with me until we are both six feet under. So let me love you, let me hug you like this when the dark days come again. When waking up in the morning seems harder than normal, I'll take days off to cuddle you for hours and bring you soup. Let me be a good boyfriend for once please?"
Peeking out through your teary eyes you looked up at Jimin with a faint smile, all he could do was look down at your and carefully wash away your tears, "oh my dear y/n, why can't you see the beauty I see in you, you're like a breath of fresh air and the right amount of warmth I need. Now let's get on with our date shall we? I'm not done just yet." Tightly wrapping his arms around your shoulders he pushed both of you forward as you walked along the street admiring the scenery around you. "Where are we going???"
Lightly jutting his hip into yours teasingly he just stuck out his tongue and replied with a short, "I'm not telling you." You shook your head giggling at your boyfriends childish behavior before going along with his plan, despite how much you despised surprises. As Jimin turned into a narrow alley he concealed your eyes with the warmth of his calloused hands, "Y/N... I need you to trust me from here alright? When have I ever led you astray...."
"Well... There was that one time you made me walk into a pole when you sent me a selfie... And then there was the time when you managed to bump me into a table leaving a bruise the size of Nevada on my hip trying to get me to the couch... And-"
"Yep, I got it., I have ok but shut up and just trust me alright?"
Carefully leading you down the street all you could concentrate on was the light breathes that was tickling the back of your neck every time Jimin whispered an instruction into your ear, every hair on your neck stood up even when he mumbled for you to move a little to the left... You had completely forgotten the task at hand until Jimin told you to stay completely still and to keep your eyes closed. "Alright sweetie, open your eyes!"
Blinking away the dark patches of light after aimlessly following Jimin's instructions you opened your eyes to the most beautiful sight. Your gleaming boyfriend in a room that was.... Snowing. In the middle of July your boyfriend had managed to bring your favorite season to the both of you. Winter was when you had both first met... Back in the chilly airport when you had accidentally grabbed the same bag. "I had to bring our favorite season back, I was missing the snow and I think you were too." You blankly stood in awe at the doorway.. It seemed like Jimin was going to make you cry for the third time today because of his thoughtful gifts to you.
"When did you manage to do all this with all your practices and schedules.."
Shrugging shyly and kicking at the ground below him he just smiled sadly, "I created fake schedules and late dance practices to plan this all out, I know you really missed me every time I came home late but it was... All for this." Shaking off the fake snow from his fluffy hair that you adored running your fingers through you ran up to him before wrapping your legs around his waist and quietly mumbling in his ear, "Park Jimin... What did I do to deserve you."
Giggling into your ear and tightening his grip on you he teasingly replied, "hmm.. You don't." Shaking your head as you comfortingly placed your face in the crook of his neck you just sighed contently as the snow fell around the both of you.