What If I Lived a Lie? [You Me at Six]

Chapter Fifteen: Once Upon a Different Life.

After being shuttled from one interrogation room to another, Olivia was faced with one of the biggest decisions of her life. She had never dreamed it would even be a possibility, and now, here it was. Could she do it? Her son, her little baby boy, had thus far grown up without her, and now she had a chance to reconnect with him, to make things right. There were some mothers who would kill to be in her position. Sure, it was selfish to want him back after all this time, but wasn't giving him up in the first place much of the same? Maybe it would be hard and maybe it would be a struggle, but they'd be struggling together. They were family, they always would be, even if they were a small family. God, how she'd only ever dreamed of being the mother he deserved, and now that she had the chance, she was going to take it.

"What do I have to do?"

"Well..." The social worker began.

"Is it even possible?"

"Honestly, the chances are looking slim, and... you should know that... Well, the agency may attempt to deny your recantation of your relinquishment, due to your recent domestic violence incident. I must admit this is not something I would normally suggest, but given everything you've indicated to me, it seems as though the depression plaguing your life stems from this loss of your child and, as it stands, your child remains at the Agency Center. It appears as though, perhaps, it would be in the best interest of you both to be reconnected."

"It is an isolated incident, and I have an order of protection against this man. I'm waiting to find out, now, if there's enough evidence to prosecute," Olivia spat out the words nervously. "Miss Bello, I... I need you to know that I love my son more than life itself. At the time of his birth, I just don't think that I was ready to be his mother, but... My heart aches for him every day. I brought him into this world, and it is my responsibility to see to it that he is cared for - with or without his father. I'm ready to grow up, and take care of my child."

What followed next was a considerable amount of paperwork, tears, and more paperwork. It was all moving so quickly and yet, not quickly enough at all. Olivia had to rescind her relinquishment of her parental rights, but it could only be successfully rescinded if the adoption agency agreed to it, which meant she'd have to undergo a series of tests and procedures to prove her fitness as a mother, including home study, proof of employment, a background check, a drug test, a credit check, and fingerprinting. On top of it all? There was no real way to tell how long any of it would take, in spite of her abundance of cooperation with the adoption agency.

What would Hunter say in this, after all, she was the one living with Olivia? She'd be the one who'd have to undergo at least the home study portion of this process with her. Her best friend wouldn't turn her away, right? It was just one lie. The only lie in their friendship to date, and it was over a guy. It seemed to trivialize and maximize the issue all at once.

What a head trip. God, how could all of this really be happening, within the same time span of one another? Sure, life threw a lot at you at once, but this was almost beyond Olivia's realm of understanding.

But then, she emerged from the room to find Josh, slumped over in a chair, asleep with his head rested against the wall, just as he had been after her first night at the police station. And all Olivia could do was weep.

How cruel was life, for her to fall for someone she, by definition, couldn't have? And how cruel was she, to have pulled him into her life, into all of her mess? Here he was, for all intents and purposes, her knight in shining armor, and she wasn't a princess worth saving. But, god, she wanted him to save her. She wanted so desperately for him to save her, but she knew it wasn't fair to him, to subject him to her this way.

So, she had to let go of whatever hope she had of them working out, whatever hope she had of finding out whether or not he had real, genuine feelings for her. She had to let go of something else, just like she'd let go of her son. Though, she was fairly certain that life would not be so kind to her a second time around. There was something about the convoluted, complicated nature of her relationship with Josh that she just knew: if it didn't work out the first time around, it never would. They were barely compatible as it was, and they were dangerously close to growing in opposite directions. Olivia had made up her mind. She loved him, so she was releasing him from the cruel punishment that fate had dealt him, and that punishment was her.

She was so used to letting go of things she wanted or needed or loved. She was so used to suffering. So, this would be nothing new.

Olivia forced a smile onto her lips and roused Josh, to let him know it was time to go home. As always, he didn't push, pry, or even force her into conversation. He just put his arm around her, and guided her back to his car. Olivia wished she could say she remembered her last moments with him but she was too busy watching the landscape slip by outside of her window - he, too, was going to slip by her, she realized. The thought of goodbye hurt too much. She couldn't do it. At least not yet.

"Do you want me to walk you in?" His voice brought her crashing back down to reality and she realized they were in front of her home.

"Um, you don't have to."

The pause he took was unreal. But what he said afterwards was even more so. "'Livy, I just wanted to tell you how proud I am of you. You've taken this all in stride, from the police station, to the follow up with the social worker, and pursuing charges on Derek... You're really brave and I really admire that. In fact, well... You've always been strong, and it's one of the first things I noticed about you."

"Thank you, Josh." Maybe he would've said more if she hadn't interjected there. The thought terrified her. "I should get going, I'm really tired."

He looked like she'd just smacked him across the face. God, what did she say? His eyes were searching her face in that way they always did right before the very few times he'd kissed her and she just had to go but her body wasn't moving because, god, she really fucking wanted to kiss him back. To say thank you, to show him how and what she really felt but her tongue was like lead trapped behind her teeth, trapped behind her lips so... She said nothing. She did nothing.

"Bye Josh. I'll call you with an update, when I have one." Before he could even say goodbye, she was slipping out of his car and all but running toward her front door.

What was she doing, and what had she done?

Even if everything was going to shit with the man she at least somewhat lo - she couldn't say it. Regardless of how things were going with Josh, it was time to woman up and fix things with her best friend. And fix her relationship with her boyfriend, because Hunter deserved to be happy. If anyone did, it was her.

Olivia had made up her mind that she and Hunter were fixing things, tonight. But walking in to see Hunter making out with Matt? Well, that derailed those plans a bit.

"Hunter? Matt?"