What If I Lived a Lie? [You Me at Six]

Chapter Eighteen: We'll Have to Hurt For Now.

Josh was sweating. This was not at all how he planned on admitting his feelings to Olivia, but it didn't seem as though life was going to grant him another chance to do so. She was leading him back to her bedroom, and he felt like a nervous schoolboy, about to go into a closet for seven minutes in heaven with his crush. With her door now closed, Olivia turned to face Josh, her eyes searching his face, his expression – what was she looking for, what did she see?

"Do you need to hear me say it again? 'Livy, I love you."

"Yes Josh, I heard you," she spoke up softly, before retreating entirely to sit down on the edge of her bed. Olivia felt overwhelmed, and that was putting it lightly. Everything was moving at the speed of light, and she was struggling to keep up.

She had been so resolved in giving up Josh, and letting him live a life independently of her – but that was before she knew he loved her. She loved him, she loved him so much. She knew it was a horrid idea to dive in too deep, but she knew that once she took the plunge – once she got the purest taste of his lips she'd ever had, she'd be too far in over her head to pull herself back up again. So, when he sunk to his knees before her and lifted both hands to cup her face, she shouldn't have melted into the way that his thumbs brushed her skin like he was afraid of breaking her, like no one had ever touched her; she had never inspired that kind of a sweet, sweet, paralyzing fear in anyone. When his eyes met her own, she shouldn't have nodded and allowed him to invade her personal space in the least invasive way possible but she couldn't believe how desperately she needed him, needed this.

But she did. She did it all. And when their lips met, she sobbed. "I love you," she sobbed. "I love you."

***

They laid still, listening to the sound of their own labored breaths and, even now, Josh's fingertips still felt like tiny flames, dancing up and down along the length of Olivia's arm, despite the fact that his hands had just been all over her.

"So," Olivia hedged, shifting to pull the blankets up around her chest, "what about your ex? The one you wanted back?"

"I... I just stopped wanting her, around the time I realized I love you."

"And when was that?"

"Um... When you came to my house, soaking wet from the rain, and I was pissed about the fact that you were dating Derek. Though, clearly I had more than one reason to be pissed off..."

"Mm," was all Josh got in response, and moments later, he knew why. Olivia was out cold. He was glad she felt comfortable enough to sleep with him in both senses of the expression, as tonight had revealed. He found himself reminded of the fact that this was not at all how he thought this evening was going to go, but how could he complain? Things had only gone this smoothly, perhaps, in his dreams – maybe that was cliché but, god, was it true. Everything seemed to be... falling into place suspiciously well.

When Josh woke up the next morning, he was in bed alone, but he could make out the sound of running water nearby and put together that Olivia was likely in the shower. He sat up in her bed, and noticed that the teal and grey comforter had been straightened up around him, their clothing was no longer on the ground, and the room looked a bit cleaner—except for a manila folder, at the edge of the bed. And Josh knew better than to pry, but he honestly figured the folder contained materials for Olivia's case against Derek.

Not a certificate of live birth, dated three years ago, with Olivia listed as the mother of a little boy.

The shower water stopped, and it felt like the rest of the world did too. How could he possibly bring something like this up? "Hey, no better way to celebrate our possible relationship than by asking you about your kid, right?" Josh heard the bathroom door open and considered letting himself just get caught for snooping, let her introduce the conversation. But his hand—tingling, clumsy, nervous—shoved the file back into its folder and he glanced up just in time to see her.