What If I Lived a Lie? [You Me at Six]

Chapter Seventeen: We'll Toast What Could've Been.

Dan wanted to call Hunter, to tell her that he loved her, but the words died on his lips. But what was it that prevented him from talking to her in the first place? He knew that if she saw his name on her caller ID, she wouldn't answer. So, the only thing left, then, was to show up at her house, right? It made sense in the quiet of his currently manic, heartbroken mind, so he set out to go see her.

He set out to go see her. So, when he saw Matt's car in her driveway, and Josh's, he could figure out for himself what was going on. Olivia had probably returned from one of her visits with one of the many specialists and detectives and police officers and lawyers she'd been meeting with, with Josh by her side, and come home to find Hunter. Maybe Matt had invited himself over, maybe Hunter had invited him over. But the most likely "maybe" of all? Maybe they were all in there, enjoying the day, enjoying each other's company – without him. And didn't it make sense? He had always felt like he was just slightly out of Hunter's league and now it was proven to him.

Quietly devastated and beyond disappointed, Dan put his car in reverse, turned right back around, and proceeded back home. When prompted, Dan would act as though he knew nothing of what was transpiring, without him. When Hunter told him she'd moved on, decided to give things a go with Matt again, he'd smile and he'd tell her he was happy for her. When Matt came to him to let him know that he wanted to try being with Hunter, Dan would wish them both the best of luck.

The thing about loneliness was it was just like an old friend: it always had its arms wide open for Dan. So, when he realized it was beckoning him forth once more, to wrap him up in its embrace and remind him that he was better off with it, he almost wanted to smile. At least this sort of ache was familiar, he reasoned. Sure, he was heartbroken, and maybe he'd even sit by himself and mourn the loss of what was and what never will be, but it was nothing new. So, he would deal, just as he always had. He would go back to telling himself that he liked being alone, so that he wouldn't have to confront the fact that he didn't actually have a choice; he would go back to shutting down and shutting people out. It was safer for him that way.

***

"So, I guess I should start with –"

"I don't want an explanation, I just want an apology, Matt."

"But I think I owe you an explanation," he said softly. "Please just hear me out."

It seemed like hours later, when she finally breathed a small "okay."

"I was... careless. I just forgot about what time I'd asked you out for, and then once it rolled around, I got too worried you'd be mad, so I didn't wanna show. Then, when I saw you, and you reacted as strongly as you did, I... I realized your initial attraction to me was as strong as mine was to you, so I... I froze. Then, I saw how Dan was looking at you, and... well, he doesn't look at anyone that way, so I got defensive."

Of all of the things Hunter should have heard in that mini speech, she only heard: "he doesn't look at anyone that way." God, what had she done? Almost as if he could read her mind, Matt continued.

"And I know that you were together and you were happy, but he lied to you."

"Olivia did too," Hunter butt in quietly.

"But you've known her longer, and there's a much deeper history there. There's... more to lose, as well."

"Regardless of how long I've known Dan, he... he showed me the lifetime of happiness I'd been missing out on, up until now." Now, Hunter was standing, pacing. Had she made a mistake? A mistake that she couldn't go back and correct?

Matt stood up with her, seizing her elbow gently, to root her in place, to anchor her – though, his words did the trick, as well. "Give me a chance to prove that I can do the same, Hunter. I know we got off to a rocky start but all I'm asking for is one shot. If I fuck up, then you have every right to drop me on my ass, but just give me one chance, that's all I'm asking."

Hunter fell silent for a awhile, and it almost seemed like she was going to say yes. Before Matt could let his hopes get high enough to fall, she spoke. "Let me think about it."

"Fair enough." It wasn't a no and it certainly wasn't a yes, but he'd take it – because it was a start.

Hunter had to give Matt props, there was a lot to be said for the fact that he knew the risks – knew she loved Dan, knew her feelings for him had barely budged an inch – and he still wanted a shot with her. Could she have had such a frank conversation with Dan, if the tables were turned? She feared that she couldn't – but even that wasn't a deterrent. She also wouldn't have dreamed, six months ago, that she would've been having this conversation with Matt. Life did crazy things when you weren't exactly paying attention, she supposed.

But, now, what did she do with this information? With all of it? She just wanted to shut down, and hide. While she couldn't exactly do either of those things, she could certainly ask Matt to go home so she could have a little bit of alone time, to think things over – and, yet, she didn't want to. She wanted him around right now. He was calming and reassuring – everything she needed right now. Still, she had to wonder, could this be an act, to get her back? Of course, she'd never know if she didn't give him a shot, but did she even want to do that? A small, sad part of her still felt like she was betraying Dan; and, in truth, she was, by even entertaining the idea that she could date one of his best mates – but he had betrayed her first. And so had Olivia, for that matter. God, she really needed to talk to her best friend, but – a distinct, far-off moan broke her out of her reverie, and she decided that perhaps now was not the best time to attempt reconciliation with her best friend – not when she was clearly otherwise occupied. Hunter and Matt exchanged a glance, then a laugh, but it all quieted down too soon. What Hunter really needed was a distraction from all of this mess, at least until she knew what she wanted to do.

That was, until, Matt spoke. "Wanna watch a movie, to take your mind off things?"

It was as if he'd read her mind.