And I Asked Myself

Randy and I

    You ever heard the term 'head over heels'? Well, there was a point in my life when that term completely embodied me. His name was Randy. He was shy and quiet and wore glasses and had this small scar on his forehead. He was bilingual and smart without being a know-it-all and I was  in very deep like with him. Or maybe I should say 'for' him. "With" would actually imply that Randy accompanied my feelings. He did not. In any way. In fact, Randy sort of hated my guts. But of course at that young, precocious age, I didn't let that small detail get in the way of my feelings for him.  I was head over heels, skull over sandals, brain over boots, cranium over converse, in stupid, crazy...like.

  How it all began

    Once, I'd established that Randy and I were meant to be, I came up with a plan. The first step was to make it very obvious to him that I liked him. And the best way to do that was by telling everyone. By everyone I mean literally everyone. I told my friends, my classmates, my favorite lunch lady, and even my homeroom teacher. I liked Randy and didn't care who knew. It didn't take very long for word of my infatuation to get around and soon, I knew that the one person who really mattered, knew as well. Randy. The next step in my master plan was to show him how much I liked him. I brainstormed for an entire afternoon and came up with the perfect display of affection. On the eve of Valentines Day, I went grocery shopping with my mother and she let me buy a present for my valentine.

    The very next day, before school started, I walked into my homeroom and pulled out a huge cartoon of chocolate in the shape of a heart and placed it right in front of Randy. I then calmly walked over to my desk and sat down, without a word. Although I stayed quiet, I still wanted to see his reaction. I looked around at my peers. I saw looks of shock, surprise, and laughter. I smiled brightly, not caring what any of them thought. My eyes finally landed on Randy and he looked over at me with a beet red face and eyes of rage. He then snatched the chocolate heart off his desk and stuffed it into his backpack, without a word. For some reason, it didn't dawn on me that Randy's shy and quiet nature may mean that he wouldn't want me hand him a large chocolate heart in front of the entire class, including the teacher.

    In my mind, everything was running as smooth as planned. I'd surprised my classmates with my amazing gift-giving skills and Randy...well he'd just have to get over his shyness if he ever want things to work out between the two of us. Next phrase of the plan: find out when Randy's birthday is and give him an even more amazing gift.

How it Ended

I never found out when Randy's birthday was and after a year of him playing hard to get, I grew tired of our little game and moved on but I always looked back on my time with Randy and smiled. Years later I sat AND I ASKED MYSELF: idiocy or lunacy? courageous or blind?