Have You Ever Wanted To Disappear?

One

It was pretty late, but I am still up. I have school tomorrow, the first day back after March break. So why was I up at 3:27 A.M. ? I am sad, to put it in a blunt and simple way. I hate my life, I have no friends and I'm lonely. I'm not excited to go back, I just want to stay inside and go on the internet. But later I have to return to hell. 

*Beeep* My alarm goes off at 7:00 and I'm already up. I go down stairs to pour myself another cup of coffee and then start my regular morning routine. "Ugh, Mom we don't have any milk left" I yell as I hear her come down the stairs. This was one of the mornings my mom was actually here, usually I have the house to myself because she likes to sleep at her boyfriend's house. "Good morning to you too. Should I stay another night honey? Don't you get lonely without me around?" she asked, I turned to her "No Mom, I have Lily remember? She's always here". She smiled "You should let me meet her sometime, she sounds great" Mom yelled as I went up the stairs. I yelled back "Yeah, she's the best". Okay I might have made up a friend so my Mom didn't worry about me. Don't think that just because she is not here means that she doesn't care, because if she found out I was depressed and friendless she would smother me in affection and probably break up with her boyfriend. That's the only reason I haven't told her anything, Paul is the best thing that's happened to her since my Dad left, he's really nice and he treats my mom very well. I just want her to be happy.

I ran down stairs and rushed to put my shoes on, I had 25 minutes till class started and I wanted to get there early so I could complete some of my assigned homework. I live five blocks away from Fredrick Way Public Highschool, which happened to be my school. I walked alone every morning, listened to nature wake up, it was nice. I eventually arrived at school and rushed inside and up to Grade 10 History. I opened the door and no one was there, not even the teacher has settled in yet, but there was a new seating arrangement. He put all the desks together in pairs and now I have to sit with someone. My teacher Mr. Wilson came into the class. "Good morning, how was you break?" he asked, he was always so happy and cheerful, like he wasn't aware that he was working in a highschool full of dumb, horny kids who smelled like sweat, cheap perfume and overly strong cologne. "It was fine" I said with a little smile. He looked down at some papers and then looked up at me, "You sit at the back of the class, with Patrick. You two behave pretty well so I thought you could be friends." He said, I turned around and sat down at the far right corner of the class, right beside a window. I pulled out my notebook and started to do some French homework. Friends? I don't have friends, and who the heck is Patrick? 

10 minutes passed, the bell rang and everyone came in, figuring out where to sit, after everyone was seated, Patrick came in. "Late as usual Mr. Stump." Mr. Wilson said without even looking at him. Patrick breathed out heavily, "Yeah sorry about that, Umm where do I sit?" he said quietly, he pointed at me, "Beside May Gibson". Patrick looked up at me but then back down at his feet and walked across the room. Then some stoner guy tripped him. Stoners and smokers were like the new popular kids these days. "Oops" he said following with a giggle with his friends. He got up from the floor and contiunued to his seat. "So today we will be starting something new..." the teacher started talking and I zoned out. "Hello" he said to me under his breath as he settled into his seat, I looked up at him from my notebook. His eyes were green hidden behind his glasses, and he was the most beautiful person I have ever seen. I've never noticed him before, but I'm glad I am now. "Hi" I said in response, then looked back down at my note book and continued writing. 

After the teacher finished talking about the type of stuff we would be doing for the next month or so he handed out an assignment. "You will be working in pairs today, and a few more times for this topic. Today I thought I would give you something easy to just settle you back into the school kind of thing. You will be doing a quick writing summary of something from the text book. It has to be from the world war 2 era though. When you're done we will watch a movie." Mr. Wilson sat back down and everyone started pulling out books and pencils. Patrick pulled out his text book, "So how was your break?" I asked him. I thought I would start a conversation since he seemed more socially disabled then me. He looked up, "Well it was good I guess, if you think that sitting around watching netflix for 9 days is fun then it was a blast." I laughed a little and he giggled. "What about you?" he asked me and started looking through his book for a topic. "I don't know, I pretty much did the same thing as you. I don't really do much". He looked at me, "Really? I thought you would say something like, I went to Florida and got a bunch of new clothes, or whatever cool people do". I laughed, "I'm not cool" I said, "What makes you think I'm a cool kid?". Patrick started writing some stuff on a piece of paper,  "Well I don't know, you're pretty and you seem like you have alot of friends." I started flipping through my text book, "I don't have friends." His smile went to a normally straight face, like he just realized he said something wrong, when it wasn't a wrong thing to say, it was the truth and I didn't hate myself for it, so why would it be a bad thing. "It's fine Patrick, and thanks" I said. His focus changed from me to his book. "For what?" he murmured. "For saying I'm pretty".