Hold onTill May

She sits up high, surrounded by the sun

One million branches and she loves everyone

Mom and dad, did you search for me?

I’ve been up here so long I’m going crazy

As the sun went down we ended up on the ground

I heard the train shake the window

You screamed over the sound

And as we own the night, I put your body to the death with mine

This love is out of control

3…2…1..

Where did it go?

   Avery looked at the ground two stories down. She wondered to herself if the drop would be enough to kill her. The symphonic melody of electric guitar, drums, bass, and screaming leaked from her bed room window to the spot where she sat, on the roof.

   Way up high. Above the world; above the noise of the hell hole small town; above all the bullshit. She looked out on the sunset, sinking on the horizon that laid beyond the cemetery. The song in the background screamed, “Tonight I am dead to the world, but by morning I’ll paint on a smile and blend in once more!”

   The lyrics made Avery smile; a sarcastic smile of course. How that song portrait her life. The irony of trying so hard to keep a smile glued ear to ear while the sun remains in the sky, but then when it went down there wasn't a person in the world that would care how she was dying inside.
    She ran her fingers over her scared wrist thinking about the chains of events that had led to them to appear there. She thought about all the voices that told her how pathetic, how worthless, how pointless she was. Not only the physical voices, the mental ones too.

   She peeked over the edge of the roof again, knowing she would never have the guts to kill herself. She pulled her knees up to her chest she wondering if anyone would notice or even care if she did.
     She imagined herself falling, “vvvvvvooooo, slat!” she said to herself.

    She thought about her family. Mom, Dad, and her brother, Austyn. Her parents probably wouldn’t notice, they’re too caught up in their own bullshit to see all the other problems around them. They never noticed the scares, or the pain, or the silent screams for help. Not until she told them to their faces. Which she later regret it when they sent her to rehab for six weeks.

    She looked at the sun again. It was getting late, if she didn’t go inside now her clumsy ass might fall on the way back down. She got up and climbed onto the tree that slightly canopied over her house. She gracefully slipped from branch to branch, but just before she got to her window she heard a high pitch meow from behind her. When Avery turned around she saw her cat, Ella, sitting on a far branch. “Ella,” she said sweetly.  She made clicking noises taking a step to her. “Here kitty-kitty-kitty.” Ella started toward her until the sound of a trains horn went off. Ella dug her claws deep into the tree trunk as the ground started to slightly shake. The train was only a street over, every time it went by it shook Avery’s house ever so slightly. “Come on Ella,” she took another step forward.  Ella started to back up as Avery advanced toward her. When the branch became too fragile for Ella to stand on, she jumped from the branch to the ground below. “Ella!” Avery reached for her cat but ended up losing her footing.

    As Avery fell to the ground the only thing she could focus on was how the color of the sky and the sound of the train somehow hummed together in harmony. The soft orange, pinks and purples, seemed to perfectly illustrate the pitch of the train horn. What a weird thing to think about as you plummet to your death.