The Sound of a Dark Heart

The Past is the Past... Sometimes

After sleeping for a bit, Amber woke up. She heard Ellen milling around in her own room. When they went upstairs after talking to Jeff all morning, Elle had gone strait to her bedroom and shut the door without so much as a goodnight. Amber was questioning her own intelligence for sleeping with Elle again, especially since Ellen rarely showed any sort of interest in her other than when she wanted to sleep with her. Amber had really been hoping to not go from one hellish home to another. She decided at that moment she was done with the whole "sleeping with her roommate thing", and went into the bathroom  to take a shower. Elle had just finished shooting up some heroine and leaned against her bed, sitting on the floor. She hated herself for using, but hated herself even more for hiding so much from her closest friend, the woman she loved, Amber. Elle punched herself, and laid on her bed sobbing quietly. She had the day off, she had remembered to do that at least for Amber's birthday. At this point, since she planned to die sooner than later anyways, Elle was feeling like just staying in bed, doing drugs, and ignoring everything in her life. She started heroine when she was nineteen, in a brief time where her mother was out of prison. She tried to re-introduce herself to the woman that gave birth to her. It started off as almost like distant friends, but quickly grew into something toxic. She was visiting her at a motel, seems how her grandparents wouldn't let her mother in the house. Eventually, they both ended up doing too much at once, and blacked out. Elle woke up in the hospital, hooked up to many tubes and wires and a tube down her throat. After this, her mother went back to prison, and Elle went threw rehab. She kicked drugs and alcohol for awhile, and she managed to start getting her life together. Her grandparents never were very kind to her growing up, always praising her older sister, and calling Ellen things like "Devil" and "Freak" but most of the things that bothered her growing up was being forced to go to church all the time where the other kids bullied her relentlessly, and her grandmother even tried to have an exorcism done on her in front of many people. Her grandmother started hitting her on the back with a wooden spoon when she felt that Elle was misbehaving. That included when she wouldn't respond fast enough for her liking, or wore anything too "Boyish" or "weird". Her grandmother would take her to doctors and shrinks almost endlessly to figure out what was "wrong with her" until she graduated high school and went on to college. Things were alright, at first. She was making decent grades, and even met a couple friends. She came out to them first, and they were very supportive. Her friend, Tanya she was closest to. Tanya was an artsy type, smart, wore interesting scarves and glasses that always matched. Elle had feelings for her, but even after she came out, she still kept them to herself. She was nineteen when she got the call that her mother was getting out of prison for the first time since she was really little. She told Tanya about it, who told her she maybe should meet up with her mother for coffee at least. Elle called the prison the next day, and chatted with the stranger who gave birth to her. When they finally met, Elle couldn't remember Renee at all. The woman before her looked well over her 40 years, and was very thin, but had a kind smile. They chatted for a bit, and got to know each other for the first time. She told her mother she was a lesbian, and surprisingly, her mother accepted her with open arms. She also told her about Tanya. "I think you should go for it, honey." Said Renee as she sipped her coffee. The next day, Elle was feeling great. She had a real mother who she could turn to and talk with. She also had confidence to go to Tanya and express her feelings. Her heart racing, but her head held high, she texted her friend and asked to meet her at her apartment. She agreed, but added she could only chat for a bit because she had plans that night. When Elle pulled up outside the dorms where Tanya lived, she noticed a man standing by her friend's car. He was tall and thick, kind of a jock type. A moment passed before she got out of her car and headed to the building. The guy stopped her asking if she was Elle. She said yes and he nodded and said he was waiting for Tanya as well. This weirded Ellen out, until she started to understand what was going on. "Ryan!" Yelled Tanya who jumped into the man's arms. Tanya took a few moments, then turned to Elle. "Hey, this is my boyfriend, Ryan." She said in a cheery tone. Elle felt her mind snap. She walked away, got in her car and drove. Tanya had texted her once asking what the fuck and Elle threw her phone onto the road and let it smash on the pavement. She pulled up to her mother's hotel room and banged on the door. She was crying when Renee saw her. "Come in kid, we'll get fucked up." She said and they entered the hotel room. As she became more and more addicted to heroine and alcohol over the next few months, Elle started failing and missing classes and her friends stopped talking to her one at a time. One day, noticing she was out of money, she called her grandfather. He sometimes would send her a bit of cash for food and what not, which she would start spending most of on drugs. When he picked up, he had told her he would send extra, seems how she was nearing her twentieth birthday. She decided that her and her mother would spend the weekend hanging out, seems how everyone else was gone out of her life and she had gotten booted out of school. That was when she ended up in the hospital for overdosing on drugs. After getting sober, she moved back with her grandparents, who had somehow found out about her being gay. Even though they treated her like dirt, and would make her pay almost all the money she made off mental health disability as rent, they kept her there, wouldn't even let her save up enough to move out. Eventually, after sneaking extra money into a savings account, her grandparents started threatening to kick her out if she wasn't paying all of her rent. She kept trying to get a part time job that she was allowed while keeping her benefits, until she finally landed one at a fast food place. as time went by, and things only got worse as her grandmother would demand more money. Elle started doing drugs again, and after a couple months, she was fired for not showing up to work.   Elle managed to slow down the drug use after getting fired when she saw a new bar and grill type place was opening up, and she saw that they were hiring, and there was a very interesting looking girl there picking up an application at the same time she was. She forced a smile at the black and purple haired girl who looked at her nervously and walked away. That beautiful, wonderful, perfect person for her. Who's birthday she was now missing.