The Sound of a Dark Heart

I Need to Talk to You

Amber had spent Halloween cuddling with Jeff and watching movies and having a pretty good time. It was a few days later when she finally heard from Elle again. She was at work, and on her break noticed a note left for her with a number on her locker. Amber was nervous as she dialed the number on her phone. It was chilly out, but she needed a smoke, especially when dealing with this shit. After two transfers, she finally heard Elle's voice on the other end. "Hey Amber, sorry about what happened." She said, sounding a bit sad. "It's alright, Elle." Amber replied. "I'm glad you gave me a way to contact you, seems how we really need to talk about "us"." Elle knew this was either really bad or really good. She said "Okay, but I need to say something first." Amber rolled her eyes, but agreed to let her speak first. "I am in love with you Amber." Said Elle, shocking Amber enough to cause her to drop her cigg. "W..what?" Amber said, shaking. Elle continued. "I know you put up with a lot from me over the last couple months, and I really appreciate it. I tried so hard to keep you far enough away from me so I could keep you in my life, but I couldn't fight hard enough to stay away." Amber felt her eyes swell up with tears as she listened to this. She wanted to believe what she was hearing, but she just couldn't. She had seen to many of her cousins fight addiction. They never seemed to recover, other than the two who ended up overdosing and dying. "Are you still there Amber?" Amber snapped back to reality. "Yeah, sorry. I'm not thinking right." Amber said quietly. They fell silent. "My break's almost over, so I'll just say what I need to." Amber finally said. "I really have been hurt in the past, and I feel like this thing we have is too unstable to try to keep going. I can't do occasional friends with benefits, and not having any relationship. I really don't think anyone and me would be any good right now, for anything. I'm sorry but I can't ride this roller coaster anymore, and you can count on me moving out when the lease expires." She hung up without hearing what Elle had to say, and burst into tears. Elle was the only person crying harder than she was. Amber eventually got back to work, and Elle ended up getting extra meds that night. Elle though doped up on things to make her "calm" felt her mind racing. She knew she made some terrible choices in pushing the person closet to her away, and the only times she was affectionate were random times where they ended up fooling around or having sex. She had been so afraid of having her find out she was shooting up heroine and had a personality disorder, that she ended up unintentionally hurting another person. She now knew that once she was out of the hospital and whatever rehab center she was put in, she had to end her sad lonely life. Jeff was in the parking lot when Amber got out of work. She got in his car and they drove to the house in silence. "Do you want to talk about what's bothering you?" Jeff asked, concerned about Amber being more silent than usual. She told him about the phone call, and told him that if he wanted them to have a future, he needed to let them go at her pace because she was tired of people playing games with her. He grabbed her hand and kissed it. "I won't hurt you, Amber." He said smiling. They got out of the car and went inside his apartment to play video games.