The Beginning of the End

III.

After that incident, I never found the blade again. It was the first and last time I ever cut. And to this day, I still don't know how or why I even cut in the first place. My semi-schizophrenic episode in the bathroom left me with so much to think about.

Claire was definitely out of the picture. Yet again, I don't know why it was so hard to let go of the thought that we were over. Done. Fin. 

All the memories that we had shared together... the insanely amazing kisses... the soothing hugs. I had to forcefully will myself to forget all of them. It would save me the trouble of collapsing on the floor and crying again. Then again, how could I do it without thinking all of these thoughts again and shutting down again?

Life was a bitch. Like, no joke.

As I sat there in a booth that breezy and chilly late-July morning, watching the sun just barely make its appearance, I realized that this break from reality was greatly needed.

I reached for the menu and scanned its contents. Eggs benedict... hot chocolate (freshly made in the back! but it was probably just the shit made out of powder and water)... bacon and eggs combo... fruit bowl... fried—

"JUSTIN TRENT. IS THAT YOU? NO FUCKING WAY."

Shaun.

Shaun ran like a fucking rhino over to my booth, bringing along our other best friend Jess. Shaun and Jess were practically siblings enough, but their clothes made them look more like twins. They both were adorned in Adidas-brand clothes: mesh-y pullover sweaters, comfortable striped sweatpants, and shoes caked with fresh mud from the storm. They threw each other into the booth and threw me large grins, Jess sitting beside me.

"So. Claire, you. Over?" Jess asked, eyebrows rising and falling quickly. Her intensely green eyes stared viciously into mine, and I never noticed how beautifully straight her teeth were.

"Yup," I moaned. "I mean, who gives a fuck? She was a—"

"—living stereotype, we get it, JT. You've said it so many times already that it's starting to make me sick," Shaun stated. He reached for the bowl containing sugar packets and turned his head so we looked at his side. Opening the packet with one hand, he placed it on the side of his face that we couldn't see and leaned forward, looking as if he were vomiting out the sugar.

Jess and I snorted. "Honestly, what the hell goes on in that brain of yours?" she asked him, crossing her arms.

"I wouldn't know myself. Why don't you ask it?" Shaun asked, now slurping the creamer from another bowl. "And besides, why are we talking about me? What about JT over here?"

And then I slumped further into the seat. I already knew what was coming. Question after question after question about Claire.

We hadn't even started, and I already felt my heart beating like crazy in my chest. Pretty soon, it'd rip through my flesh and start beating outside of my body.

"If this is gonna be about Claire, let's not delay this conversation. What questions—" I started before Jess slammed her fists on the table. Luckily no employees were in sight and since they were all elderly, they probably couldn't hear.

"HOW THE FUCK DID SHE DUMP YOU?" Jess bellowed. "Did she say it straight up or...?!"

I knew it. I so knew it.

"Well, where do I even start? The day it happened she texted me. She seemed really happy, you know? But of course, I didn't know shit was gonna go down later. 'Hey babe, come over! I've got a surprise!'" I explained.

Jess bit her lip. Saliva was bubbling from where she was biting.

"And that surprised ended up being a half-naked dude upstairs in her room, who she was most likely fucking," I finished explaining, rolling my eyes.

Jess's back arched as I finished. She laughed like a hyena on crack. Screaming and a cough, screaming and a cough. I turned to Shaun who had hidden his face in his elbow. He was trembling. He should have been crying, but I knew damn well he wasn't.

And I don't know what made me do it. I pulled my sleeve up revealing the dried and mostly-healed cut.

Jess peeked at it. "What, are you a Death Eater? Showing us the Dark Mark on your arm that Voldemort put on you?" she stated, pretty much choking on herself. 

And soon after, she stopped. So fast.

"Holy shit, JT. Shaun, stop laughing! STOP IT!" she exclaimed, slapping him on the head. "Look at what your best friend did to himself!"

Shaun looked up, hair tousled and face marked with the patterns that were on his sweater. His smile instantly vanished.

"What... JT? You... you—"

"I cut, okay? I was tired of everything. I was talking to myself, I was overwhelmed with everything. School. Claire. I just... I don't know why I did it," I explained. My voice cracked at the end, and my lip was trembling.

"I feel so... empty right now guys. I feel sad, but I then I don't. I'm so fucking confused with myself right now. I don't even know what or how to feel. Everything just happened so fast, and I just wanted time to myself. And then I found a piece of glass my mom saved from the mirror she broke because of her superstitions... and I sliced this bitch across my wrist. Then I was bleeding everywhere, and it hurt like hell. And then I fell and I was talking to myself in this weird conversation about how I've changed and I'll never be the same and... Oh, fuck."

I was crying. Hard. I didn't even realize I was and I didn't know why. I reached for a napkin and buried my face in it.

"I'm just so done with everything right now. I can't put my thought into words, I haven't told my mom or my sister... Life's absolute shit for me right now," I cried out, burying my face into Jess's shoulder.

I heard the pat of shoes as an elderly waiter walked over. "What can I get you young bucks?" said the old man.

"Not now, sir. His virginity was taken by a stripper on crack. We're gonna need a free meal to make him better," Shaun stated. I heard the man gasp as he dragged himself quickly to the kitchen.

"We got you, JT. Look, lies can get you somewhere. Claire's lies made her successful and more of a douche, and my lies earned you a free meal," Shaun stated with a hint of humor.

Jess rolled her eyes. "What we're trying to say, JT, is that we don't want you hiding anything from us. We love you so, so much, and—"

"I'm not gay," Shaun replied.

"And you're also not a homophobe, even though JT isn't gay," Jess shot back. "But as I was saying, talk to us. We're willing to hear whatever you have to say. And before you say anything else, yes, we're worth your time. Because we care about you. We don't want you to do anything stupid that could endanger you. For all we know, you could have stayed on the floor and died from blood loss. Even if it does seem a little farfetched."

I was moved. My mind was blank the whole time she spoke. I had no words, no thoughts to even put how grateful I was into words. But all that mattered was that I was here, with my friends on that gloomy-ass day. All that mattered to me was that they had my back for forever, and no one at the moment could have possibly let me down.

"Um, wh-who asked for the special? I placed extra bacon and added an extra egg to the meal in case you were feeling hungry and before other customers start pouring in and give me a borderline heart attack," the waiter said, walking over with a steamy plate of goodness in his hand. He placed it in front of me, and that amazing smell of a homemade meal made its way up my nostrils and made my brain fuzzy.

"Goddamn," I murmured. Before the watier could turn away, I bellowed loud so the waiter could hear me. "WAITER!!"

He turned and jumped as if shocked. "Oh, yes?"

"My friends here... The guy over there had his testicles chopped off and this girl next to me has inverted nipples. They thirst for food, the surgeries give them these insane appetites," I lied, motioning toward Shaun and Jess.

The waiter stared in horror at both of them. "Oh, uh, right away." And he was off.

And that was the story of how we spent half our day in a diner, earning ourselves free meals through lies saying that we had malfunctioning body parts or a horrible sex life.