The Beginning of the End

V.

It wasn't long before our little Target rendezvous became a recurring routine. It seemed that whenever the shittiest thing that could possibly happen actually happened to me, Jess, or Shaun, we took refuge there.

There's always those things that are normal for your own friend group that other people can't understand. This is was definitely one of those things.

From what I think, Target just has an overall welcoming atmosphere. Line after line of pretty decent clothes; selections of toys, books, and music; really nice but honestly irrelevant employees; you get it. And since Target has basically everything you need in there to survive, you could stay there and live off whatever they have.

As the three of sat against the wall facing shelves containing cheesy adult novels, Shaun, Jess, and I sat there in awkward silence.

"So... you guys really think I'm scary?" I asked, trying to ignite some sort of conversation.

Shaun scooted closer towards Jess and threw her a look that I could easily distinguish as "oh shit he's onto us". 

"Well... JT, I—we—don't really know how to tell you about it. Yeah, we get that you've been through a lot and all... But did you really have to do what you did?" Jess responded. "And also, you didn't have to yell and all and—"

"—and you didn't have to call me like that and scare the living crap out of me, either! When you accused me of telling your mom, we were just trying to help you. This is some really clichéd shit, but we wanted to watch out for our friend. Because that's what friends are for," Shaun added.

My bitch ass merely shrugged their comments off. I honestly was being such a douche at that moment and my body was acting for me when I didn't want to. As we left Target that day, I couldn't even feel. Everything was falling in on me at once and it was sort of overwhelming.

I guess Jess and Shaun forgave me soon after. Before long, the weekend before school started had come upon us. We found ourselves buying pens to replace the ones with chewed caps, stacks of paper, folders, and notebooks. Jess sat in the cart like a kid, so Shaun and I took turns pushing her around the stores while people looked at us like we were insane.

"What color: blue or black?" I asked Jess, holding up two different packages of pens. Jess nodded to the black ones, so I threw it to her and put the other one back.

"So, JT, who's next?" Shaun asked me, placing two folders inside the cart. "I mean, after Claire and all, what's next for you?"

I threw him a "fuck-outta-here" glance and merely shrugged. God forbid the moment where I had to tell them that I wasn't completely over Claire.

I still had no idea why I felt this way. The bitch had done my dirty, that's for sure. But the thought of just completely cutting her out of my life and refusing to think about her was almost impossible for me. 

"I can't. Hate me, I don't care. I'm not over Claire. I might... I might just—"

Jess bit her lip and threw a loose eraser at me. "What the hell are you thinking? Don't even... JT, the thought of her is causing you pain. I would advise that you refrain from thinking about her."

Just what I was thinking, ha.

"Honestly, JT, this is getting kind of repetitive having to deal with this bullshit. Claire cheated on you and you don't go crawling back to the people who make you borderline suicidal," Shaun responded. His comment earned him a glare from Jess.

"What? I'm speaking what I think, and I think that JT is wasting his time and his life on this. I mean, come on, JT. You can do so much better. She didn't even pay that much attention to you and you were pretty much being used as an object," Shaun continued.