The Sky Never Ends

Control

The subsequent days after Noah thoughtlessly kissed Selah, he slowly began loosing his mind.

He was overwhelmed with emotions. To the point where he felt the need to shut down completely and distance himself away from Selah as much as possible. Which was exceedingly hard living in the same house as her.

He wished he could go back and do things differently.

He was angered that he felt so strongly for her no matter what he did. He prayed to have a night of sleep without seeing her face. He willed the arresting chemistry to disappear between them. It was not effective.

He decided to cut their close ties now, before he got any deeper.

Separating himself from Selah was best, his mind told him.

She was not his to have or to kiss. He kissed her without her full permission in a drunken haze. She was a young impressionable girl who deserved someone better than Noah. Someone who could give her everything she needed.

The thought of not seeing or being around Selah unsettled him, and the thought of her being touched by another enraged him. He'd convinced himself it was inevitable so he should just move on. That it was something out of his control, he told himself.

It was much easier said than done.

After a week of trying to subtly ignore her didn't work, he removed himself from being in her presence completely. Relinquishing more responsibility of her to Sam and keeping himself busy with his own tasks.

He spent much of his time in the woods hunting for food and fur, occasionally he would eat what he killed for his meals. Giving himself less opportunities to be around her, even though he severely missed her cooking... and her company.

Guilt was eating at him from the inside out. When he thought about Hattie, and him breaking the promise to himself to never move on. He felt broken and weak. Even more so when thoughts of kissing and touching Selah once again returned to him.

He was mystified of what to do, so he hid out with his trusty carafe of whiskey. Drowning out his sorrows in safe solitude.

The impending arrival of his family did nothing to lift his mood, it did quite the opposite. Knowing that Selah would no longer be his responsibility and knowing that they both would be taking on more obligations, hardly ever seeing each other when the rest of his family comes.

Everyday it seemed like him starting a new life a better man would never be attainable.

He could tell Selah was offended and hurt by his sudden change of attitude. He assured himself it was necessary. It was wrong for him to kiss her and lead her on in the first place. He lacked control around her.

His father would be so disappointed, Noah was disappointed in himself.

He couldn't help but to let his frustration out when he was around Selah and Sam. Sam's chipper mood was especially grating. Selah said she would act as if nothing had happened between them, and she did quite well, but he was unable to. He returned to what he knew best. A cold off-putting disposition.

Noah also felt the need to put up actual walls on their bed rooms. It wasn't necessary in the summer to have permanent walls, because the heat rising kept them warm in their lofts. But Noah didn't trust himself to see Selah's bare silhouette again with out completely losing it, especially if he was intoxicated, which he was often. So the walls went up quickly while Selah was gathering crops, and he was gone before she returned.

After about a week of Selah trying to be nice and ignoring his obvious mood change she had come to grips that the kinder Noah had once again disappeared. She quit trying after that, and barely saw him at all through the day.