why me? // h.s

chapter: 1

CRYSTALS P.O.V

here I am, standing alone, waiting awkwardly outside of class before it starts. I dont have many friends, I only have one friend, named olive, well technically my sister, she's been with my through everything in my past life. my step father, who abuses me whenever I step foot in the house (my mum died when I was 7 so im all alone with HIM, its been 11 years since she's been gone), olive has been with me through my addiction to cutting, being as that is the only thing that helps me at times, especially the times where I've just wanted to end myself, but thats not the only thing that help me, listening and watching the most popular and biggest boyband ever, one direction.

*one direction*. I repeat the name a couple more times before I snap out of it. I just can't get enough of them. especially harry, harry styles, his chocolate curly locks, man, I just want to intwine my fingers through his hair and oh lord, his jade green eyes that sparkles and that makes you want to stare at them for hours. but I guess that would sort of be too creepy for him. I surely wouldn't mind though. I laughed at my thoughts.

me and olive are just the same as all the other girls in this crazy fandom. but I haven't been to any of their concerts sadly because of my stupid step father, im just do jelous of the fact most one direction fans get to go to literally every concert, and go to their signings and win contest. makes me want to cry even thinking about it. I would even pay for myself, I work but whenever I get paid I have to give it to him so he can buy is alcohol and drugs. ARGH. I hate him, especially the things that he does to me, I remember one of the worst night of my life.

\\flashback//

I came home, well to my hell home, with a genuine smile on my face because I had just been over olives house watching one directions twitcam. they was all play fighting and looking cute and argh I just want to marry them! well anyway, my devil of a step father was passed out on the sofa so I had a good chance of running up stairs, before I got to the top I had tripped on my shoe lace and fallen down stairs, unfortunately for me he woke up from my sudden accident and ran towards me shouting, "CRYSSY!", I hated that nickname now, (only olive can say it to me without me hating it, I loved her saying it because it reminded me of my mam,she had given it to me when I was 5), "COME HERE NOW!", the huskily voice he has sent chills down my spine. not good chills, bad. he gripped my arm and i yellped a loud, "GET OFF ME!", he hated my being 'disrespectful', but to be honest I didn't care for him, ge deserved it, to me I wasn't being disrespectful, I was standing up for myself. he gripped my throat and slammed me against the kitchen floor. I was struggling for breath so I used my sharp finger nails to try and scratch his face. of course that was a bad thing to do. "THATS IT!", he had his usual steel toe boots on and kicked me in my leg and punched my cheeck. ouch, there will be a bruise there tomorrow.

once he let go of me I had the chance to run upstairs, but I couldn't move. I think he might have broken or sprained my leg...ouch! "WELL WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?!", he shouted, "YOU WOULD HAVE RAN BY NOW!", I cried out, "YOU BROKE MY LEG YOU SICK PRICK!" I know I shoudn't of said that, he gripped me by my ribs and was using his big, bear hands to crush them. I couldn't care less at that presice moment so I bit him and ran up, well..hop. I locked my door so he couldn't get in, but luckily after I waited 5 minutes after I had locked my door, I couldn't hear his heavy, pouding boots come up the stairs. so im guessing he must have passed out again from the amount of liquor he consumed, besides, he did smell of jack daniels and vodka. yuk!

I slid down, back against my bathroom door, crying hysterical. I didnt know what to do at that moment.

*10 minutes had passed*      I was still crying, but not as much anymore considering I had cried all my tears out of me. I stood up and cursed at myself "shit.", my leg really hurts but I dont think its broken. "thank god", I spoke to myself. I might just see olives mum tomorrow, considering she's a nurse.

I sat there thinking of random excuses to give to her.

I stood up and walked into my bathroom, I switched on the shower and flinched at the sight of a razor just above my mirror, I was debating whether to, you know, do it or not. the thought made me start to cry again, I stripped off my clothes and stood in the shower, letting the hot water relax me. I took the razor and placed it against my skin, I swipped it left and right for about 6-7 times. I watched as the deep red blood started to pour out of my new cuts, it dripped one by one into the shower. I gasped a little as the heat of the water contacted with my fresh cuts. ouch.

I thought to myself, why does it have to be me to live this life? I've never done nothing wrong to nobody. ive always been a good person, putting people before myself, I take consideration of others, always. why me?

//end of flashback\\

AN: this is my first book, I know the chapters are short when I will make progress.

there is smut in this book, maybe a lot if you like to read a bit of sexual contents.

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