patient 69 (A ChrisBrown FF) #wattys2017

confusion

Keziah

I can't believe that he's talking to me like that I know it may seem kinda early to move in with prince. But in all honesty Im only moving in with prince because i found out a couple of days ago that he has stage 3 cancer and only has months to live and he knew this for about 3 months now but didn't wanna say anything because he didnt want people look at him differently.

It's sad to know that I'm the only one that knows about this due to him not having any family. I wanted to move in with him to help him out because he don't wanna start chemo therapy even though its gonna give him a longer chance at life.

He said he feels that this is god way of punishing him for what he did to his parents. He feels that everything thats happening to him he deserve it but its not true he's a good guy that has a dark past but he doesn't deserve this.

I wouldn't wish this on even my worst enemy. I feel even worse knowing how he's been treated from Chris and the guys they never gave him a chance and Chris has the nerve to be mad at me when he don't even know what's going on.

So now were standing here having a stare down because I'm trying to figure out if I should tell him what's going on or if I should just keep it to myself.

Chris: keziah I don't know why you looking all mad I'm the one that should be mad I feel like I'm losing you to him. He said as his face softened.

Keziah: of course you would say something like that when you don't knows what's completely what's going on. And I don't wanna hear that
"he's taking me away from you"
crap because its not true I only think of prince as a friend and nothing more. Plus I'm doing this because prince is going through a lot and needs a friend since y'all got you're heads so far up y'all asses to see how much of a good guy he is.

I said grabbing my suitcase and packing my stuff but due to me being mad everything was just being thrown all over the place.

I felt my eyes start to water it was like everything was coming at me at once and it kills me to know that a very close friend of mine life is getting cut short due to an disease that thousands of people fight everyday. Then to deal with Chris and his bipolar ass its just too much for me to handle.

I've been going to my therapy sessions and writing down my feelings but im starting to feel my self go back to my old ways and the negative thoughts are slowly but surely coming back.

Chris: zi why are you crying? I hear him ask.

I feel he hand slowly rub my back in small circling motions trying to calm me down. But its too late I feel like myslef fighting the erge of wanting to go back to my old ways but my hands are having that same itch to harm just like any other time. I try to count to 10 but I hear something I never thought I hear again.

Voice#1: oh you thought I was done with you. I froze when I heard the voice I thought was gone for good.

voice#1:I did it before and I'll do it again don't think just because your getting help its gonna make me go away because it won't I'm back and stronger as ever. You need to release this urge that is building up inside of you.

Me: I'm not gonna listen to you I got rid of you years ago your not gonna ruin my life again. I said holding my chest feeling like my heart was gonna bust at any minute now.

Chris: keziah who were you talking to? He asked kneeling down so that we we're face to face.

I looked at him knowing he's probably thinking I'm crazy but isn't that why I'm here? To be tested and when the test that society approve are aced I'm thrown back into a the cruel world to fend for my self.

Chris: keziah are you ok? He asked with nothing but confusion written all over his face.

I know I can't tell him about the voice he won't understand. I got up making him stand back up having his tall frame tower over me. I step from in front of him and continue to pack my things. He stands there watching me going back and forth retrieving my items from the bathroom and my half of the dresser.

1 hour later

I put my last bag by the door with everything else and turn around to see chris sitting on his bed writing in his journal which I'm not gonna lie it surprised me to see him doing that I havent seen chris write in his journal in a long time.

He must really be in thought I was debating on if I should bother him or not but was taken from my train of thought by someone knocking on the door. I already knew it was prince coming to help get my things so i can move in I don't know what took him so long. But before I could answer the door tyga bust in with a worried look on his face.

Me: hey ty what's wrong? I asked him.

Tyga: uhh keziah i don't know how to tell you this but its about your boy prince.

Me: what happend ty? I asked on the verge of tears once again.

Tyga: listen I hate to tell you this but they found him this morning ummm...

At this point there a lump in my throat that won't go down I pray to god he's not about to say what I think he's about to say.

Tyga: they found him this morning with his throat slit. He said wiping a tear from his face.

I couldn't even respond before seeing everything go black.

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