Saving Us For Later [larry - elounor] //ON HOLD//

23- Back To Darkness

They say that when you hunt, you have to be precautious. You have to make the animal believe that you are not even there. You have to be silent, no matter how much the surrounding itches you. You don’t fall under weakness, you don’t scratch yourself, you don’t move cause if you make a noise, a single noise, you’ve lost your prey.

Harry knew that by denying Louis the chance to explain, he was probably going to lose him forever. By making a loud noise, Louis would run as far away as he could. But this time, he didn’t care.

And Harry hated the comparison. It disgusted him; it showed him the aspects of his personality that he disliked the most. Louis wasn’t about competition, Louis was his friend and every single move he ever made to be there for him, it wasn’t just a part of some kind of game. It was real and that’s why it hurt him so bad to feel played.

When he found out about Louis’ threat to Felicia, he felt betrayed, fooled. A part of him knew it wasn’t the truth but it was just a tinny part. That kiss, that night, that moment when they silently confessed what they felt for each other, it marked their relationship forever; it changed every single aspect of their bond.

There is nothing left to hold on. That’s what he told Louis, those were the words he decided to use to make his point. He was tired, he was exhausted to be the one who had to give up. He was sick of being left out in the dark. And the whole getting back at management thing was the perfect way out.

Some time before the kiss, he actually believed that he would be able to fight for him, that he would use all of his strength to win him over. Eleanor was the one to beat, even if he knew she didn’t even consider him an adversary. But he was fooling himself; he was leading himself to believe that he had the guts to put up a dirty fight. Harry couldn’t do that; Harry was the kind of man who had to play fair.

When that thunder stroke the earth and he woke up to find himself too lost at the touch of Louis’ lips, he thought he had a chance to win, he thought it was time for him to be with Louis. He felt as if he just won a battle and it shocked him to see how much he hated the feeling. Cause it made him believe that what they had wasn’t so pure anymore, that it wasn’t as beautiful as he thought it was, that it wasn’t about two boys who felt for each other anymore. It made him believe that it was some sort of war he was fighting against someone who had no idea what was going on. And that was unfair.

But he still believed it wasn’t as dark as some people imagined. It was just about a friend who felt for another. It was the most beautiful thing that could happen to a person. It was about love, it was about pure and real love.

A love that was considered wrong, it was. A love that had to be hidden behind a thick a wall, it just had to. A love that was absolutely polluted by society’s voice cause it really was. Their love was condemned from the start and it had to be left out in the dark. It wasn’t easy to get out from that thought, from that fine work the world has made in making people believe that loving someone could be wrong. Harry accepted the fact that Gay is OK, he embraced it. But Louis couldn’t.

It didn’t mean he wasn’t trying cause for the first time in his whole life, he decided to let his feelings be. He decided to explore the matter that scared him the most, his sexuality. Not because Eleanor wasn’t real, not because his love for her wasn’t as strong, it really was. But Harry was always standing there, from the moment they met, knocking on his door, dusting every space of his forgotten soul. Harry opened the doors and windows that have always been closed, Harry had a way to just rock his world. And Louis tried to fight against it, Louis tried not to give in but it was impossible. Harry was an image inside his head, an image that was impossible to erase.

Harry. His Harry. That’s the way he called him inside his head, My Harry. And when he felt there was a chance that Harry could belong to someone else, it clicked him. When he saw the way Harry was staring at Taylor when she walked through that door, he felt as jealous as he ever felt before. That was the moment when something inside his mind changed.