My Poetry

Broken Both Ways

It was mid-April,

Or was it March?

When I fell in love,

And gave away my heart.

Everyone was outside,

Another fire drill,

Then I met the guy,

Who automatically fit the bill.

He was tall,

Hair dark and eyes blue,

So I went and asked him,

"What if there was a child names Luci that was called Lucifer too?"

He laughed,

And he noticed I was cold,

So he lent me his jacket,

Our story is still to unfold.

A problem soon appeared,

With four years in between,

The end of a three year wait,

Might as well have been unseen.

Inpatient as we were,

A kiss was shared,

Both of us oblivious,

To the misery we would share.

In August,

I saw him again,

Not long before,

We were more than friends.

After long days,

At work,

We laughed and joked,

Discovering each other's quirks.

Exploring an,

Amusement park,

Riding rides,

Long after dark.

In stolen moments,

Between a shift,

We smiled together,

And even rode the Crypt.

Before I know it,

He's down on one knee,

Asking the big question,

"Will you marry me?"

I'm in shock,

Only fifteen,

And he wants to spend,

The rest of his life with me?

I reply with a yes,

A grin on my face,

Cause this guy,

Really made my heart race.

Soon I was sneaking out,

Careful not to make any noise,

Like a child staying up,

To quietly play with toys.

Once or twice a week,

I would sneak out to his car,

The second I would sit down,

His hands wouldn't be far.

We didn't say,

I love you,

But instead,

Koishiteru.

I start to panic,

As reality starts to hit,

My insecurities leaving me a kind of broken,

That can't be fixed with a kit.

I break up with him,

On his birthday,

I was so scared,

Didn't know what to say.

He leaves a,

High school football game,

The only thing on my lips,

Is his name.

Three days before Christmas,

I call him,

Before I know it,

I'm sneaking out again.

Not long after that,

A cold January night,

We'd be a crazy sight.

Making love,

It's my first time,

But despite my fears,

I'm ready to fly.

It starts to snow,

Before he takes me home,

What he doesn't know,

Is the fear I had never shown.

The next day,

I feel broken and empty,

Not understanding,

Why I feel so unclean.

I'm going out again,

Needing to talk,

But I'm caught,

It's all my fault.

Police man in the house,

All the things he asks me,

I don't want to answer,

Why can't anyone see?

Hospital,

Morning after pill,

All my secrets,

I don't know if I can spill.

His life ruined,

All my fault,

I went and got caught.

Father,

Hate full things,

From his lips,

They ring.

I'm losing my voice,

I don't want to sing,

Instead,

I sing.

I eat,

Only out of necessity,

My guilt,

It's consuming me.

I'm so tired,

I just want to die,

If I jump from the roof,

Will I be able to fly?

Hunter,

I love you,

Dearest Hunter,

More than Koishiteru,

Instead,

Koishiteru arimasu.

I'm so sorry.