"Those lights, they're pretty." I said, reaching for the blue fairy lights tacked to my wall. I traced the shape of the butterflies and felt a smile appear on my face. I heard the slight sound of my mother nodding next to me. "Yes they are pretty, Lily. Now come on, get into your uniform." She said softly, handing me my jumper, skirt, blazer and shirt. I nodded and sat on the edge of the bed, waiting for mum to leave me in private. I got changed slowly, making sure there were no holes in my tights and that my shoelaces were as symmetrical as I could make them. I wiped some mud from the bottom of the left shoe and threw the tissue at the bin. The tissue hit the wall behind the bin and fell to the floor.
I shook my head and took my coat from the hook above my wardrobe. Once my coat was zipped up and my phone was in my pocket, I walked slowly into my mothers room. She was putting her shoes on. When she saw me she smiled, "It's been a few days since you've been to school."
"I know."
"You get to see everyone."
"I know."
"Lib, May, Jack..."
"It's only been three days, mum. It's not like I died." I huffed, interrupting her.
She nodded and forced a little smile, "I know I just like to say the names of your friends, because I'm so happy they are there for you." I nodded and pointed behind me. "We should go now, right?" I whispered, just because I like quiet.
It was cold outside, I hadn't been out since Monday. School wasn't very long on Mondays for me, I left at lunch to see my therapist, Julie. School was different for me, I wasn't there all week most of the time. Some times I wasn't able to really...go places. I wasn't physically ill, but my mind wasn't like everyone else's.
The door handle of the car was wet, I pulled a face and wiped my hand on the seat as I sat down. Mum slammed the door quite loudly, I flinched at the sound and shivered. "Oh, sorry lily." Mum mumbled, patting my shoulder. I tried to smile as I turned the heating on, but I gave up and let my muscles relax. Mum started the car and reminded me to do up my seat belt, which I had forgotten to do.
The journey from home to school was only five minutes, but I wasn't good with buses, the people and the noise and the fact that hundreds of other people had sat in the same seat that you sat on, with chewing gum stuck to the bottom. After the short car ride, mum pulled up outside the gym near my school and I kissed her on the cheek before climbing out of the car. Before I even turned round I heard someone shout my name. I slung my bag on my shoulder and turned to see my best friend grinning right at me. "Finally! Yeesh we've been worried again, you need to answer your phone when this happens. One day you'll be kidnapped or being interrogated or something and we will just think your having a bad day when really, you're in a life or death situation!" Lib rambled on, looping our arms together as we walked down the hill.
Everything was the same for the hundreds of kids walking in the same direction as me. Everyone had a day of work and study and being moaned at by teachers. But it wasn't like that for me at school, the teachers were awkward around me. The whole staff were quiet and careful when I was in their lesson or even walking past. I was silent as she talked about school in the last three days. As we reached the gates she grabbed my shoulders and swivelled me round to face her. "You're not talking, or laughing, or reacting." She raised her eyebrows. I shrugged her hands off and turned back round, walking down the path. She coughed loudly, some people turned round. "What's wrong?" She whispered.
"I'm fine, nothing's wrong Lib." I lied, quickening my pace as we reached the main doors. I turned sharply and headed for the side door. Lib sighed, stopping me again with a harder grip on my shoulders. "Lily what happened at the AL?" She whispered. AL was a short way of saying assisted living, it's where I went when I couldn't go out, they fed me and monitored me every second of the day.
