STAGES

CHAPTER 4

January 25th 2003

"Efstathia!! Viens ici, je dois te parler".

Papa shouted from his bedroom.

(Efstathia!! Come here, I must speak with you.)

If there was one thing I was trying to avoid, it was disobeying my parents. My parents were angry people deep inside. I was aware of their shitty marriage, my mom would tell that to my dad everyday and sometimes my dad would beat up on my mom, but mom is not a weak person, she would fight back if my dad was hurting her. My mom cheated plenty of times on my dad and my dad would hang out at the strip club often downtown. My mom yelled every single day that my dad and her hadn't had sex in FOREVER. In other words, my parents relationship is fucked up. I just don't get why they're still together.

"J'arrive!"

(I'm coming!)

I went upstairs and went to my dad's bedroom. He was just sitting on his bed.

"Chéri assis-toi"

(Hunny sit down)

"What's wrong?" I asked suspiciously sitting down next to him.

"Rapproche-toi bébé." he said in a calm tone.

(Come closer baby.)

Scooted right next to him, he kissed me on the forehead.

"Tu es magnifique, tu sais." He said brushing his fingers thru my hair.

(You are magnificent, you know that.)

I simply smiled.

"Aimerais-tu faire quelque chose qui nous rapprocherait encore plus?" He said putting his hand on my thigh.

(Would you like to do something that'll make us even closer?)

"What?"

"Father and daughter bonding." He said with a huge accent. My dad was a quebecer and thought it was useless to speak english, since he understood it and he did. Every single word.

"How does that work?"

He slowly put his hand into my shirt and right when he was about to kiss my neck. I heard the front door opening. My mom came back from the grocery store and she was talking to this other woman who's voice sounded extremely familiar, as soon as the woman laughed, I recognized her, it was my aunt Marie.

"Aunt MARIE!!!!" I yelled running down the stairs and gave her the biggest hug in the world, I can tell my mama was jealous but I didn't care.

"Hey you!" My aunt Marie said messing my hair up her favourite hobby. "What were you upto?"

I'm guessing my dad heard that because he ran down the stairs and greeted my mom and aunt before I can say anything.

******

2AM

I suddenly wake up in distress, I am dying of heat, I'm sweating like a waterfall and I'm hyperventilating. Now that I think about it, my dad was about to... do me, I must've suppressed that memory. I was only five years old back then but I knew my parents hated each other more than anything in this world. But my dad always told me he loved me. He would always rub my thigh with his hand and he would also always kiss me right next to my lips. He eventually stopped, told me that I wasn't as pretty as I was when I was younger. Ouch! Right? But for some reason in my head, it had never clicked that my dad wanted to do stuff with me. This was my first nightmare in 8 months, I have been extremely angry inside lately, I had so many fucking mixed feelings, I didn't know how to control those feelings, I mean yeah, I have Joanie, the so called psychologist but let's face it, she fucks girls during her free time on her desk. But I say lately because when Hannah was still in my life she made me forget about all those memories. I got to cry on her shoulder and be the happiest babe in the world.