Passive Smoking

Chapter 15

Shay POV

My heart began to beat out of my chest and every emotion on the spectrum brewed inside of me. Euphoria, fear, bewilderment, all of them ran around like ants on a stomped hill. The question seemed impossible to have come from Ryder, and yet, I had just watched every syllable fall from his mouth.

"Uh, um, I don't know." I replied truthfully.

"Well...how did you figure yourself out?"

I instantly flashed through all the people that helped me to realize who I was, the guy on my bed right now being one of them. I shook it off.

"It just sort of happened to me." He looked disappointed and I hated it so I continued. "Maybe you should try to experiment with someone." I told him.

"Like..." He looked confused."...with you?" My mouth went dry and my throat closed up. The rainbow of feelings twirled again and my head spun with it. My hands sweated profusely and for a few seconds, it was utter silence as I stared into his eyes, trying to find the words.

"N-N-N-No no not me." I finally say. He scoots closer.

"Why not?" He asks and I remember that day as if it was my last.

It was seventh grade in Ms. Jessie's math class. We were so young and he wasn't as masculine as he is now, but still every bit as popular. He had an adorable smile. Then, the teacher started a chain reaction that has stayed with me since.

"Ryder, you are with Shay for this worksheet."

He looked over at me and gave me the same precious smile, and sat down at the desk next to me.  We sat in silence, even though we were supposed to work together, I was too awkward to talk to him. After ten minutes, he broke the ice.

"Hey, did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a soda can?" I looked at him in confusion, then he continued. "Luckily, it was a soft drink." I still didn't understand until it hit me and I chuckled slightly.

"I was worried that one went over you head." Then he swiped a piece of paper above me and handed the note to me. Written on it was the word "joke." I laughed more and I'm guessing he ran out of jokes because he went back to his work, but at that time I wanted to talk to him more.

"What'd you get for #6?" I asked him, even though I was certain I got it right.