A Doll of Hope

Chapter 16

Late that night, Matt was sitting in his chair staring at the picture of the two boys on his desk. As he rested his head on his hand, he couldn't help but let out a sigh.

"I'm sorry, Loyd. After what I did to you, I just can't bring myself to move on with my life. I feel I have no right to." He said to himself. Just then, he heard the sound of footsteps in his doorway. Letting out a sigh, he assumed it was just Sandra.

"Do you always have to go around sneaking up on people like a---" Turing his head, he looked towards the doorway and stopped in his tracks. He was shocked to see it wasn't Sandra, it was Christie. She had a sad look on her face as she stood in his doorway.

"Your sister let me in." She managed to say.

"C...Christie!" Matt was so shocked, he fell out of his chair and banged his head on the floor.

"Ouch!" He said as he rubbed his head.

"Matt! Are you okay?!" Christie freaked as she rushed to his side. Helping him sit up, the two of them froze for a second. Then Christie pulled her hands away.

"D...does it hurt?" She asked with a sad look. Matt rubbed his head.

"No, it's fine. Just a bump." The two of them couldn't bring themselves to look each other in the eye. Christie turned her head away and spotted the picture on the floor. Reaching over, she picked it up.

"Here." Matt looked at her hand and took the picture from it.

"Thanks." Matt tried to lift his head to see her face, but he just couldn't. Taking a deep breath, Christie let out a sigh.

"I'm sorry." Matt looked at her surprised.

"I'm sorry I hit you. It was wrong of me to do that. I overacted and had no right to do that." She said with a sad look. Matt just sat there dumbfounded. Finally, he let out a sigh.

"It's not your fault." Christie looked at him surprised.

"I was the one who said something stupid. I was the one who had no right. You were right to hit me. I deserved it. I'm the one who should apologize. Just like you said, I'm a jerk." Christie looked at his face. She could tell he felt terrible for what he said. She let out a sigh.

"It's okay." Matt looked at her.

"I've been thinking a lot lately and I can't help but wonder if you were right." Matt gasped.

"For as long as I can remember, I haven't been able to think about anything but finding that boy from my past. So much so that I didn't even realize I had become so sensitive about the subject. I really did want to believe that I would meet him again. But I guess, I didn't give much thought as to what would happen after that. I guess I was hoping we'd fall in love and live happily ever after like they do in the movies." She said with a chuckle.

"But...when I think about it now, I realize I was only thinking about myself. I was only thinking about what I wanted and not giving any thought to his feelings." Christie looked at her purse and saw Maria's head sticking out.

"That boy...I guess...he was my first love." Matt's face brightened.

"I really wanted to believe that my deepest wish to see him again would come true and that nothing would ever separate us again. But that was just me being selfish." Christie paused for a minute.

"I do still hope that I will get to see that boy again someday and thank him for everything he did for me. But other than that...I'm not going to worry about it anymore." Matt gasped as she looked at him with a smile.

"It's just like you said. There are times when good memories can lead to devastating outcomes. If things don't work out the way I hope they will, it could just eat away at me until there's nothing left. If that were to happen, I would just find myself in the same state I was in when my mother left. I can't allow myself to go back there." Christie looked down at her hands as she tried not to tremble.