Unexpected (Carl Grimes x Reader)

6

"Ethan.. Ethan was my big brothers name. He would've been 18 now. He died when he was 16 while I was 14. It's a long story, but I trust you too. We were apart of a community like this one.. Hilltop-"

"Hilltop??" Carl suddenly interrupted. "We know people from there. You were from there?"

"Yeah.. We left after everything. We left when the saviors took over.. My brother.. The saviors.. They killed him.. To show us who was boss now.. They killed the "youngest".. Even though I was the youngest, I was in hiding.. It should've been me.. Ethan didn't deserve that.. We was only protecting me.. "

Without realizing I was already crying. I carefully set Judith down on the other side of the bed, hiding my face in my hands. It was painful to remember. I remember everything like it was just yesterday. He was the person I was closest too, teaching me everything I knew and was always there when I needed him.

"I told him not to.. I told him not to leave me.. He said he had to stand up for the people who lived there.. He's always been so stubborn. The only day he didn't listen he got killed.. He got f*cking killed!"

I didn't care who heard me anymore. It was too much to hold in. Finally letting out what happened, it was too much for me to handle. I couldn't take the pain anymore. I've hated myself for his death and always blamed myself. If I was just a little more persuasive maybe, just maybe, he'd still be here..with me..alive and happy..

I wanted to be dead too. This world is cruel. It took the person most precious to me, the person I loved and needed the most.

"(Y/n).." Carl softly said. I suddenly felt him pull me into a tight embrace. Holding me in his arms I stared at the wall behind him. It was quiet between him, only our slight breathing hearable. His sudden affection was too much to take in. My vision became blurry, the heavy tears filling up in my eyes as they started to stream down my hot cheeks once again. How nice it felt to cry to someone, have them hold me..

I held Carl back, letting it out silently.

"I know it's hard.. I know.. I know how it is, blaming yourself for another's death.. But you're still here for a reason. You're here to live on for them. To fight for them, to keep surviving for them. Be thankful you're still here, because I'm sure he would still want you here.. To keep living and to keep being happy. Making the best out of everything."

Something about Carl's words gave me hope, something I haven't felt in years.  I softly sniffled, slowly moving out of his hold and looking away.

Carl placed his hand under my chin, facing me towards him and looking into my eyes. I stared into his eyes, not knowing what to say. Without another word Carl slowly moved closer, having his hand on my cheek. I closed my eyes, feeling his breath upon my lips, awaiting his kiss that never came.

Carl stopped, nervously getting up as he picked up Judith. He didn't say anything to me, but left the room to go take the baby back to her room.

I had no idea what just happened. Was he really gonna kiss me? Or was he just trying to stop me from crying? I wasn't going to ask, I was too embarrassed to even speak.