Pearl Harbor |HS| *ON HOLD*

Chapter 14

Evelyn

It's been three days since I found out I am in fact, with child.

Three days of not leaving my room, only to use the restroom.

I return to work tomorrow the fifth, even though I don't feel mentally up to it.

I have to suck it up and get it together.

Life must go on.

Martha has been kind enough to bring me food and check in on me every few hours.

I don't have the desire in me to eat but I force myself to for the baby.

"Evelyn?" A soft knock is heard on the door before it is slowly pushed open.

A tired Martha peeks her head in, a sad smile graces her lips.

"How are you feeling, honey?"

She sits down on my bed and places the back of her hand on my forehead.

"You feel a little warm." She frowns. "Would you like me to open the window to let some cool air in?"

I silently shake my head 'no'

"Talk to me. Please?" Her worried eyes search my tired ones.

"I'm fine."

Am I though?

Physically? yes.

Emotionally? I'm a wreck.

"It's okay not to be." She gently says.

"I don't want to talk about it."

Quickly dismissing it, I sit up and rest my arms on my windowsill.

My chin lays on my folded arms as I gaze out into the night sky.

I start to count the stars, but there are far too many to even try.

"You miss him."

I feel Martha sit down beside me on my left, feeling her curios stare on the side of my face.

"With all of my heart." I admit after a few moments of silence.

Only the faint sound of crickets from outside can be heard.

Tears begin to prick at my eyes, I painfully swallow thickly.

"He's okay Ev, he'll be back. I promise."

I turn to look in her eyes, my bottom lip starts to tremble.

"I'm so scared." I feel so vulnerable at this moment I want to hide.

I look away ashamed.

I want to appear strong, that everything is okay.

That I am in control.

But I'm not, and that terrifies me.

Life doesn't ask us what we want.

It's not always the way we want it to be.

In my mind, I picture a little house in the country, acres upon acres of green fields.

I see my love running after our children, scooping them into his arms as they giggle. 

I see me cooking over the stove with a swollen belly, a smile taking over my stress free face.

I imagine Harold holding me from behind, kissing my neck as he rubs my belly, telling me he wouldn't want any other life.

This is the life I desperately want for us. For our future.

But I know that it is only that, an unrealistic dream.

He's fighting for our freedom right now, fighting for his life.

I know that when he comes back he may not be the same man he was before he left.

War changes people, I've experienced it first hand when my grandfather had PTSD from fighting in the war.

He would randomly snap, he wouldn't know where he was or who he was.

He went absolutely mad.

It would kill me to see that happen to Harold.

I just pray that he is safe.

Not just for me, but for our child's sake as well.

I close my eyes and bow my head to hide my tears as they fall.

I feel thin arms wrap around me and I allow the comfort from my friend.

I hold her back and weep.

I weep for life, I weep for death, I weep because of the unknown and what's to come.

Why does life have to be so cruel?

"It's going to be okay." Martha assures me.

Although I don't believe her, I nod my head and force a smile.

I can feel this heavy feeling of absolute dread, that something very bad is going to happen soon.

I don't know what it is, but my stomach turns at the familiar feeling of fear.

I can't shake it, I feel like I need to run, get far away from here fast.

"Lay down, it's almost midnight. You need your rest." Martha lays me back and tucks me in like I'm a small child.

"Thank you Martha. For everything. I couldn't do this without you." I smile, looking up at her.

"That's what friends are for." She grins. "Besides... I think I'm going to make a very cool aunt if I do say so myself." She boasts with a proud smile.

And for the first time in days, I let out a sincere laugh that fills the room.

I tell myself to stop worrying, stop over thinking.

Live in the now.

Maybe things will be okay after all, I tell myself.

A/N:

Girl, if you only knew...