(ZaneXReader) Arrow to the heart.

Serious issues

So for the last two months I've been really depressed. I know "depressed!? God you just like everyone else. An attention seeker!" Why would I use something so serious that people fall victim to and die to everyday!? It's messing up my writing so chapters will be out soon hopefully. Just I have so much going on my so called friends aren't my friends? And I told one of my old close friends about somethings and she tried helping me. But I'm to far beyond repair. No I'm not gonna kill myself, just I can't get help. And I don't want pity for this. The only reason why I'm telling you is
A. I have to get my feelings out and
B. This is why I'm not writing as much

So welcome here's my rant:
I understand I have friends and a good family but I don't feel like I do. I wake up in the morning craving someone to ask "hey are you ok?" Actually meaning it and not just joking. And my friends order me to do things that I don't care about. My only friend right now is my friend Evan who could really be classified as my crush. So really no one. I'm all alone in this world and people leave me for no reason or they leave me out. I just want to die sometimes. But I know I won't bring myself to do it. And I hate so much when people are like "think happy thoughts" or say "I'm so depressed" when their not! They'll say that and I'll ask why and they'll say "well ya know I got a b in one class" OMFG THATS NOT DEPRESSED THATS SAD OR UPSET OR ANYTHING BUT DEPRESSED! And when people say that  I just wanna tell them what I go through and say "depressed  huh? Yeah I thought not "