As The Seasons Change

Autumn

That day, we were supposed to meet by the park where we first met. The autumn leaves were starting to fall, the wind had started to turn cold, and I was sweating with anticipation. We were coming close for being together for 10 months, that's not a long time, but I feel like it's time. I bought her the ring last week, it wasn't the fanciest ring out there but I thought that she would be okay with it. I waited for her at the bench where met each other for the first time, I was lost in thought of our future together, the family we were going to build, and the memories we would make, when I heard the screaming.

I immediately ran towards it, it was a car crash and as I move through the crowd and I saw a body lying on the ground, it was Jenna... I was shocked, I immediately ran towards her, held her and yelled, "Somebody please! Somebody call an ambulance!" frustrated at the slow reaction of the crowd, I carried her all the way to a nearby hospital.

I slammed through the door and screamed, "Somebody help! Somebody please help my girlfriend!" One of the nurses took her and send her to the operating room. I followed close behind but was stopped by one the staff, "I'm sorry," he said, "but you cannot enter. You have to wait here." and then it started the most frustrating few hours of my life. It was agonizing, the uncertainty of what is to happen, the self-blame that I had to endure, and the feeling of helplessness was consuming me. After a solid 5 hours, one of the doctors came up to me. "So doc, when can I see my future wife?"

The doctor just stood there, unsure of how to break the bad news, but I could already tell.

"No! Please tell me that you're not going to say what I think you're going to say."

"I'm sorry." the doctor said as I began to break down in tears, "we found this in her backpack. I think you would like to keep It." he handed me her sketchpad, the last thing of hers that I held. I sat back down looking through her drawings, looking through old memories, and on the last page was a drawing of a white gown, on the bottom it was written "I can't wait to wear this one day, walking up the aisle to my teddy bear." I couldn't hold it in anymore, my eyes were filled with nothing but tears.

A week after her death, here we are now, at her funeral. Her family had asked me to do a speech on her behalf. I'm nervous, anxious about what to say, and worried that I don't get to say what I need to say. But as I walk up these steps towards the altar and as her coffin is being buried, my love for her will never falter and yet my heart has dropped and may never rise again just as the leaves of autumn.