Poor Little Things {ON HOLD}

Chapter Six

That night, when I tuck in the twins, Maisie asks if I can open the window some so she can hear the frogs outside. I comply and open it a crack.

"Mummy, can we go outside again tomorrow?" Maisie asks, dozing.

"I don't know," I say quietly.

"Maisie, we could catch frogs!" Corey suggests excitedly.

This makes me smile.

"Yeah! Can we mummy?" Maisie asks.

"I don't know, Maisie. I don't make those decisions."

"Oh, right. I'll ask daddy tomorrow."

I smile sadly.

"Yeah...you do that."

I kiss them both before we say our 'I love you's and 'goodnight's. I then close their door and head back downstairs.

Elias turns in his chair as I walk behind it to the kitchen.

"Wow, you look like you could drop at any second. Need some coffee?"

I shake my head and sigh as I sit at the island in the kitchen. I keep my gaze forward as I drown in my thoughts. There are so many questions flying around my head right now. I can't begin to sort through them.

I never thought about the mental damage that could come to the twins if they stay here and witness the things they might. I will admit, I am doing better now than I was in the beginning. Still, I just want the twins to be alright. I know that there isn't much chance of me getting out of here without any emotional or mental damage. Hell, I'm feeling it now. But, I want Maisie and Corey to experience as little of that as possible. I want them to recover quickly, if they must recover from anything at all.

"What are you thinking about?" Elias asks calmly.

I turn to him and shrug.

"Nothing," I try, my voice failing me in a whisper.

I clear my throat before he continues.

"You're a very complicated individual aren't you?"

I don't know how to respond to that.

"What do you mean?"

"I never know what you might be feeling. Your face is always indifferent. When you do show emotion, it is an extreme one. If you felt something for someone, they'd never be able to tell. What are you thinking?"

I hadn't noticed. I suppose I'm always so caught up in my own thoughts that I don't realize how others see it. I don't care how he sees it. I care how the twins see me though. I want them to know I love them.

I slip from the bar stool and meander over to the wall, leaning against it with my arms crossed.

"They want to go outside again tomorrow," I inform, my eyes empty.

He raises a brow.

"Is that so?"

I nod.

"Yeah, it would mean the world to them. They loved it today."

"I'm well aware. However, you realize that I can't just let them go outside every day. They'll want to be out there for longer periods of time and then they'll never come back in again. We don't want that."

I let my gaze drop to the floor. I need to be honest here. I'm rarely honest with him. This time, I'll tell him why I want them to be able to play outside again so badly.

"Their faces lit up today. They couldn't stop talking about the outside tonight. I don't think you fully get...how that impacted them. Please, it's my own request that you let them go outside again tomorrow."

He seems a bit surprised. Even I'm a bit surprised at how upfront I was. I try not to be most often.

He appears to ponder what I've said for a moment before he gains a gleam in his eye that wasn't there before. He rises from where he sits in the armchair and leisurely approaches.

"Your own request, is it?" he repeats, his eyes becoming half-lidded as they flicker over me once.

I keep my arms rigidly crossed as he draws closer to me, resting his arm on the wall above my head. His shadow looms over me as he looks down at me under dark lashes. I feel immediate unease. He's so much bigger than I am, way taller than me. I attempt to speak with even a small amount of confidence as I push myself as far into the wall as I can go.

"Yes...my own request," I manage. "For the twins."

"Hm, and what's in it for me?" he asks in a low voice.

I was afraid he'd ask that.

I know what he wants but I don't want to give it to him. This should be easy for me to do by now but, it really isn't. I doubt it ever will be, actually. A part of me hopes it never is but another part knows it's necessary. The more I do this, the more privilege will be given to the twins and I.

I lightly place shaking, clammy hands on his shoulders, barely touching him, and rise up on my tiptoes. It's like being shot when I touch my lips to his. It's like throwing up the flag in surrender and, when I close my eyes, it is in anticipation for the defeat that will come to me. This feeling in my gut is anything but a pleasant one, not so for him.

I am a drug to him; a means of forgetting whatever it is he has to forget. He uses me, manipulates me into doing exactly what he wants when he wants. Before, I was stronger. Before, I'm sure I would let no man do this to me. Now, though...do I really have a choice?

I feel him smirk as I kiss him before he pulls away and takes my face in his hands.

"You're so nervous," he whispers, his eyes and voice heavy with lust. "Relax...it's just me."

Just you? How is that supposed to be a comfort? If it were anyone else but you, I would be far less tense than I am.

He must notice the distress that enters my eyes then.

"You had to grow up so past, you poor little thing." He feigns perfect pity, absolute sympathy. He smiles though, dashing it. "I'm so very glad you did though. You were a lot less fun when you were young."

He steps back and takes my hand, leading me up the stairs and off down the dark hall. I let myself be mindlessly led, not caring enough to put up a fuss.