Day 19

5 0 0
                                    

I'll just copy & paste messages that I sent to people, they are explaining messages so it'll be an update, quick and easy for me.
To will-(meaning who I sent the message to)
"Lol you late but I made this post, Amy was upset or mad whatever you wanna say sent it to Gerrett & I woke up around eh 7pm, & looked at kik & see Gerrett called me childish & Amy said I was pushing her away & that it hurt that I said no one else mattered other then Jordan( I typed the post wrong & it sounded really harsh) & so for about 3 hours we are pissed at each other I was pissed at Amy because she said I was obsessed with him I was mad at Gerrett because he told her he was probably using me. Jordan was pissed because they were saying that shit for know reason so he messaged Amy, Amy ended up crying & I was like fuck my life & literally it was bad overall. Over a post I made."
So that pretty much explains that day. That was like the 16? So ya.
I just posted this on Facebook today -
"Dear fellow friends,
have few things I need to say.. so here it goes.
I don't like my feelings. Because I have found myself wanting to not wanting to talk to my friends lately, not saying I don't wanna be friends with them. I just simply don't wanna talk. But I can't say I'm talking a break because,
1, they still text me.
2, I never follow through especially if I tell them I wanna take a break. Because I know if I take a break, it'll only be from them.
It's like I know that every decision I make has its own major risks. & if I stop talking to them for awhile, & not just for a few days they think I'm pushing them away because I like this guy, hell even said I was obsessed. But I think me not pushing them away is doing more harm then good. I think I need to push them away to fix some internal problems with myself. But if I tell them that, I feel like they would take it the wrong way, like they did something wrong or that they are bad friends, or that I just don't wanna talk to them because I have someone else. As my mom said yesterday, I'm a devils advocate, meaning I also see things or try to from someone else's point of view. So making decisions really affects me more then it should. I think I've been connected with these group of friends for so long that I lost my knowledge on who I am. I feel like I need to get away for them for awhile to find myself.
Now, keep in mind I'm making this post due to a mood. No one did anything I'm just really thinking. I also feel or at least have the fear that if I go and take a long break, that things will be badly different. Or that when I end the break every thing will go back to the way it was & I realize I need to stop talking to them all together. My mom says I need to stop talking to them. & she's probably right. But I'm scared of the possibilities of the outcome. So, if any friend sees this. & I haven't replied, I am thinking a lot of things over & am asking that if you tell our friends, that you do it respectfully and kindly. I know last time I made a post, it was said I'm probably being used and that I'm obsessed which really disrespectful. So please, respect this and ( not trying to sound like a dick in anyway) don't talk shit or anything semi rude. Please don't take offense or be like she can just leave Idc anymore. Please respect this, & share with other friends if you want just to give a heads up.
Love you all,
Sincerely,
Kayla Reisig duffy💞"
Really all that's been going on except I've been one two date with Jordan, here's how the last one went
To tyler-( meaning to I sent the message to)
"So, I texted Gerrett that he left. Because I wouldn't get up and he said he wouldn't leave and so I said you probably wouldn't leave. But he left. I didn't know he would. He was getting a drink but when he did get back he lowkey dragged me. Trying to get me to get up. Because I didn't feel like getting up. Then we went around & I looked at all the clothes and shit in the stores. I ranted about random shit. I pointed a lot of stuff like, hey Amy would like this, omg if I ever get Gerrett something I can like design a shirt with a photo of Amy & see if she wears perfume and spray it so it smells like her. Then I was like omg my sister would like this. Then omg summer would like this. So I talked about Lizzy, Gerrett Amy and Summer a lot. I talked about more shit then I even realized but he wanted hugs. But I was replying to Gerrett Amy summer and you. So he took my phone so I'd get off it for the rest of the time. & so, I ended up slapping him because he wouldn't give me my phone back I felt so bad. Then like two minutes ago we we hugging. We went up escalators, & I was scared because that's a fear I have & so we held hands up there then for like 5 minutes afterwards. Then my mom came, was trying to spy on us. Didn't work because she founds us then we spotted her. But then we sat down for god knows how long. Then walked. Then went to Golden Corral. & omg I got so much shit. Ugh today was great"
So yea that's what's been going on with me💞
Thanks for reading🖤

2017, new yearWhere stories live. Discover now